I don't think I've ever let this long go by without updating before...maybe it's because not a whole lot has happened? No doctor appointments, no huge milestones reached, no new clothes to show off, no medical problems to report on....I guess that last one is a good thing. But I did have a few things on my mind that I wanted to mention.
I worked out on my lunch break today--it had been a couple weeks. And that scale continues to go down, to my delight. 222 today. I am SO CLOSE to having lost half my body weight. I still can't believe it.
I've found myself able to eat more and more kinds of foods lately. I had Thanksgiving dinner! Really and truly! I mean, I used a tiny little plate, but I had turkey, gravy, a little bit of mashed potatoes, stuffing, yams, cranberry sauce...it was tasty. I've also recently gone to a couple of holiday luncheons and was able to have small amounts of almost everything at the buffet table. Turkey, chicken, ham, veggies, even a little bread (though the last time I had part of a roll, it really hurt for awhile afterwards...that probably cured my bread craving for a while!). Even a little chicken pot pie yesterday, which was a wonderful comfort food--I just made sure not to eat much of the crust on top. I love that I don't have to be so worried about handling food anymore. I mean, I live in the real world. I need to be able to eat different types of food and know when to stop.
I hope it doesn't seem like I'm bragging when I post comments that people have made to me. I record them for my own benefit, for when days are hard and when I look in the mirror and have trouble seeing past the saggy skin and the bulges that will never actually go away, no matter how much weight I lose. So please indulge me.
I had a church function last night at which I sang a duet with my sister. Afterwards, two different women stopped me. One, who hadn't been to church in a while, said she had to ask the other people at her table who I was, as she really didn't recognize me (granted, this lady and I aren't that close, but still). The other one is this cute older lady who said, in her beautiful South African accent, "Can I ahsk you a puhsonal question? Wheh is the rest of you?" Hah! I told her it had disappeared and I bid it good riddance.
At church last Sunday, an older gentleman walked by and jokingly asked my husband if his wife knew he was going around holding hands with this other "skinny lady." That was kind of an awkward compliment, but still kinda funny.
I've had a few people say that I've inspired them to exercise and get healthy. One of my co-workers told me I need new clothes (again--this was when I was wearing pants that I just got two months ago), because what I was wearing was too big. Another friend said that I just seem so much happier and confident than when she met me a year or so ago.
That last one kind of threw me, to be honest. I had to stop and think about how I feel about myself now versus how I felt before my weight loss. Did I love myself? How did I hold myself? How did I come across to those around me? And as much as I hate to admit it, I'm not sure I did love myself. Or maybe I did, but I just couldn't project that to those around me. I didn't feel beautiful. I didn't feel like someone worth being listened to, nor that I had much value to contribute.
I feel so bad saying that, because I am lucky enough to have a husband that isn't blinded by those that make you think you aren't beautiful if you're even a bit overweight. He has never made me feel unattractive or like I'm not worth being paid attention to. I made myself feel that way. And yes, now that I actually FEEL beautiful, I know that's coming across to my co-workers, my fellow church members, my friends, and my family. It's definitely changed how I interact with others.
I just wish I had worked this out in my mind beforehand. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to realize that it doesn't matter how the world looks at me. People of all shapes and sizes are beautiful. I sometimes want to go back a year or two, to see if that would have changed things at my job or in my social circles, to have been the confident person back then that I am now. But life is a learning experience, and we can't go back and change things in the past. That is why I write my feelings down here, so I can come back and see the changes I've made, both physical and mental.
I love myself. And I hope you love yourself, too, because you are beautiful (or handsome!) just the way you are. If you want to change your outside appearance, do it. Just do it for yourself, because you deserve to be all that you want to be. You can do it. We can do it.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Support Group
I went to a support group meeting tonight...my first time going to one with people who had my same surgeon. It was a nice, intimate little gathering--there were maybe 10 of us there, with two who have yet to have the surgery, plus the therapist (who said she didn't even recognize me! Granted, I last saw her at my pre-surgery consult almost a year ago...). We had a brief lesson on breathing correctly, making sure we relax ourselves and breathe deeply enough, and then the floor opened up for questions/comments.
It really made me think about what I've been through and how hard this road has been for me. I mean, I know that a lot of people think having weight loss surgery is the "easy way," and that those who do it don't know what it's like to lose weight "on your own." To that, I say YOU TRY IT! It has been anything BUT easy. Okay, I will admit that the actual losing weight part hasn't been incredibly difficult. But the struggle of going through surgery (twice, in my case), dealing with the emotional fall-out from no longer being able to self-medicate with food, learning to discipline myself with what I can and cannot eat, eating slowly and chewing my bites thoroughly, working out to strengthen the muscles that I've lost...it's been the hardest thing ever.
One guy brought up a cool analogy. He said that losing weight before surgery was, for him, like trying to build a house without a hammer. It was still possible, but it was incredibly difficult. Having the surgery was the hammer for him. Now, he still has to put in a lot of work to actually build the house (lose weight), but with the hammer, he can do it much more efficiently and quickly. Does that make sense?
Of course, weight loss surgery is not for everyone. Some don't want it, some do but don't feel like it's right, and others don't need it. But it has been a miracle for me. It has been my hammer. I still have had to work hard to conquer this war I've been waging my entire life, and it's still a constant struggle. But once again, I was reminded tonight of something that I'm sure I've said before on this blog: if I had known a year ago how hard this would be and how much I would struggle--two surgeries, two EGDs, ulcers, difficulty eating anything, throwing up, etc.--I still would choose to do it. It has saved my life.
It really made me think about what I've been through and how hard this road has been for me. I mean, I know that a lot of people think having weight loss surgery is the "easy way," and that those who do it don't know what it's like to lose weight "on your own." To that, I say YOU TRY IT! It has been anything BUT easy. Okay, I will admit that the actual losing weight part hasn't been incredibly difficult. But the struggle of going through surgery (twice, in my case), dealing with the emotional fall-out from no longer being able to self-medicate with food, learning to discipline myself with what I can and cannot eat, eating slowly and chewing my bites thoroughly, working out to strengthen the muscles that I've lost...it's been the hardest thing ever.
One guy brought up a cool analogy. He said that losing weight before surgery was, for him, like trying to build a house without a hammer. It was still possible, but it was incredibly difficult. Having the surgery was the hammer for him. Now, he still has to put in a lot of work to actually build the house (lose weight), but with the hammer, he can do it much more efficiently and quickly. Does that make sense?
Of course, weight loss surgery is not for everyone. Some don't want it, some do but don't feel like it's right, and others don't need it. But it has been a miracle for me. It has been my hammer. I still have had to work hard to conquer this war I've been waging my entire life, and it's still a constant struggle. But once again, I was reminded tonight of something that I'm sure I've said before on this blog: if I had known a year ago how hard this would be and how much I would struggle--two surgeries, two EGDs, ulcers, difficulty eating anything, throwing up, etc.--I still would choose to do it. It has saved my life.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Bi-Century!
I am down over 200 pounds.
That's right. OVER TWO HUNDRED POUNDS. Down 205, to be exact, if the scale at the gym is accurate. I'm pretty sure I am now the smallest I have ever been in my adult life.
And it feels so good.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Nine Months
I went clothes shopping the other day because I really was running low on clothes, and I had a coupon to Kohl's (which has such cute clothes, by the way). And the coolest part? I think the next time I go shopping, I may have to shop in the NON plus-size sections. I have never done that in my entire adult life. Anyway, I got some nice clothes that I'm sure will last me awhile, or at least until I need to take them in:
My hair is a little on the bigger side these days (as far as fro-ness), since so much of it has fallen out and it's just a lot less heavy, I guess. But today, my husband looked at me closely and said it looks like I've got some short hairs all along my hairline, and that it looks like I'm a Chia Pet. Well, as much as I love those little things (read: NOT), I'm thinking I should probably start using some gel or something to get those hairs to lie down. At least it's growing back, right?
I had my nine-month check-up last week. Blood pressure was, get this: NORMAL! 122 over 84 or something like that. Sure, maybe very slightly elevated, but the doctor didn't even say anything about it. Hooray! When he asked to look at my incision scars to make sure everything is okay there, he mentioned that he thinks my skin doesn't sag nearly as much as he would have expected it to, considering I've lost over 160 pounds since the surgery, and that my age is probably to thank for that. So thank you, age. I owe you one.
I've mentioned before on this blog that one of my main reasons in getting the surgery when I did was because I am hoping to have another baby, and I knew getting pregnant at 400+ pounds was a not-very-good idea. Now that I am actually almost 100 pounds less than I was when I get pregnant with my first, I'm looking forward to having another one, so I talked this over with the doctor. Unfortunately, we need to wait...the recommendation is another nine months, making 18 total months from surgery. The issue is making sure I can sustain both myself and a fetus, and also that I can actually GAIN weight with pregnancy. If I were to get pregnant right now, the concern would be malnutrition for both me and baby, which is not something I want, of course. But at least I know I'm closer and hopefully we'll have an exciting announcement sometime in the next year or so, God willing.
Life is good :)
Wedding Dress
For some reason, I decided to try on my wedding dress the other night. I don't know exactly how much I weighed on my wedding day, but I was pretty sure I was either at or below that weight. Well, if the wedding dress is any indication, I'm actually quite a bit smaller now, because it was actually pretty loose! It was kinda fun to realize that :)
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Weight Stigma Awareness Week
I recently read this article, and it opened up a flood of emotions within me. Having been overweight--even morbidly obese--for a great deal of my life, I have experienced the prejudice of others. I know what it's like to have people stare at you, especially when you are eating (even if it's something healthy!). I've heard the judgmental comments as I walk past and I've seen the look in people's faces sometimes when they met me for the first time and realized how big I was. I've read the comments online--even on this very article I linked to above--where people trash those who are overweight and call them out for "just being lazy." Oftentimes, nothing could be further from the truth.
Growing up, I tried so many different ways to lose weight--Atkins, Weight Watchers, Richard Simmons, South Beach, etc. On almost all of them, I would lose 5-10 pounds and then not lose a thing after that. I spent a good part of my high school career doing sports (volleyball and swimming), yet I still weighed over 300 pounds when I graduated. I walked or biked to my job my freshman year of college--which was around two miles away from my freshman dorm--and even joined a gym for my second and third year, during which I was never able to get below 270 lbs. And I really did try to eat better! The only real success I had was when I lived in Brazil for 18 months, when I walked virtually all day long in the blazing Brazilian sun and my diet was limited to rice, beans, salad, and fruit (with occasional exceptions). Even then, I bottomed out at 230.
When I got home from Brazil, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, which I'm sure explained a lot of the reasons why I never was able to lose much weight. Then I got married and had a baby, which really affected my body. After giving birth, I sadly watched the scale creep up, up, and up, finally reaching 437 lbs. I had little time to exercise on top of my two jobs and family life, so I tried to limit my food intake. Then I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and struggled to treat it with medication, during which time I was supposed to be very careful about exercising so as not to overwork my heart. I just couldn't win. I truly believe that the surgery that I had was the best and most effective way for me to lose the weight that I know was cutting my life short.
The thing is, addiction to food is real. Some people flippantly compare overweight people to drug addicts, saying we shouldn't be sympathetic to either of them because all they need to do is stop consuming what is hurting them. Well, I don't think that's a fair comparison. Drug addicts? They don't need drugs to survive. They may feel like they do, but they don't. Those who are addicted to food? You can't just stop eating. You need to eat to survive. And therein lies the difficulty.
I know someone who ate healthily and exercised regularly for six months and lost less than 10 pounds. She was anything but lazy during that time, but her body just didn't want to give up the weight. Yet people keep telling those who are overweight to get off their duffs and go exercise. Oh, yeah? Well, let's see YOU go run five miles while carrying an extra 150 pounds on your body! It's not so easy! Shows like Biggest Loser are fun and all, but they are so misleading sometimes...it is nowhere near possible for the average person to put in the time required to lose weight that quickly. It's a full-time job for people on that show, AND they're getting compensated accordingly. Not so when you need to lose weight but you also have a family to support, bills to pay, children that need attention, and so on.
I'm rambling now. Basically, I just wanted to raise awareness of the current prejudice in our society towards people who are overweight, and I would hope that we can all try to be a little bit more understanding and eager to help. Just please, watch your comments and be careful how you treat people who struggle with losing weight. You'll never understand unless you've been there.
Growing up, I tried so many different ways to lose weight--Atkins, Weight Watchers, Richard Simmons, South Beach, etc. On almost all of them, I would lose 5-10 pounds and then not lose a thing after that. I spent a good part of my high school career doing sports (volleyball and swimming), yet I still weighed over 300 pounds when I graduated. I walked or biked to my job my freshman year of college--which was around two miles away from my freshman dorm--and even joined a gym for my second and third year, during which I was never able to get below 270 lbs. And I really did try to eat better! The only real success I had was when I lived in Brazil for 18 months, when I walked virtually all day long in the blazing Brazilian sun and my diet was limited to rice, beans, salad, and fruit (with occasional exceptions). Even then, I bottomed out at 230.
When I got home from Brazil, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, which I'm sure explained a lot of the reasons why I never was able to lose much weight. Then I got married and had a baby, which really affected my body. After giving birth, I sadly watched the scale creep up, up, and up, finally reaching 437 lbs. I had little time to exercise on top of my two jobs and family life, so I tried to limit my food intake. Then I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and struggled to treat it with medication, during which time I was supposed to be very careful about exercising so as not to overwork my heart. I just couldn't win. I truly believe that the surgery that I had was the best and most effective way for me to lose the weight that I know was cutting my life short.
The thing is, addiction to food is real. Some people flippantly compare overweight people to drug addicts, saying we shouldn't be sympathetic to either of them because all they need to do is stop consuming what is hurting them. Well, I don't think that's a fair comparison. Drug addicts? They don't need drugs to survive. They may feel like they do, but they don't. Those who are addicted to food? You can't just stop eating. You need to eat to survive. And therein lies the difficulty.
I know someone who ate healthily and exercised regularly for six months and lost less than 10 pounds. She was anything but lazy during that time, but her body just didn't want to give up the weight. Yet people keep telling those who are overweight to get off their duffs and go exercise. Oh, yeah? Well, let's see YOU go run five miles while carrying an extra 150 pounds on your body! It's not so easy! Shows like Biggest Loser are fun and all, but they are so misleading sometimes...it is nowhere near possible for the average person to put in the time required to lose weight that quickly. It's a full-time job for people on that show, AND they're getting compensated accordingly. Not so when you need to lose weight but you also have a family to support, bills to pay, children that need attention, and so on.
I'm rambling now. Basically, I just wanted to raise awareness of the current prejudice in our society towards people who are overweight, and I would hope that we can all try to be a little bit more understanding and eager to help. Just please, watch your comments and be careful how you treat people who struggle with losing weight. You'll never understand unless you've been there.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Another Perk
Today, I discovered one of my favorite things about weight loss (besides all the obvious ones, like better health and a longer life): the looks I get from people I haven't seen in awhile.
I used my lunch break to do a quick work-out with my sister at the university gym, and I ran into a former co-worker of mine. I don't think I've seen him since...April? May? One of those. Anyway, the look on his face said it all. He was absolutely floored. "How much have you LOST?" "192 lbs as of last night!" "WHAT?!? That's amazing! I didn't even recognize you at first!"
Nothing like a great confidence booster before you go work out.
I used my lunch break to do a quick work-out with my sister at the university gym, and I ran into a former co-worker of mine. I don't think I've seen him since...April? May? One of those. Anyway, the look on his face said it all. He was absolutely floored. "How much have you LOST?" "192 lbs as of last night!" "WHAT?!? That's amazing! I didn't even recognize you at first!"
Nothing like a great confidence booster before you go work out.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
8 Months Out
I realized the other day that I have such a different relationship with food now. I mean, I used to think all the time about what I was going to have for the next meal--and while I still have to plan ahead for meals, it's not the same anymore. I don't live to eat; I eat to live. Sure, sometimes I wish I could go and splurge on a buffet somewhere, but I can't and I've learned to live with that. I'd rather feel the way I do now anyway.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Recollections...
Top left: March 19, 2010
Top right: September 20, 2010
Bottom left: April 6, 2011
Bottom right: August 30, 2011
(wearing the same shirt as April 6th picture)
Oh, yeah, it feels good.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Skin and Bones
Wow, it's been almost six weeks since I last posted. Guess I just didn't have a whole lot to say! I felt like doing so today, so here's the latest.
I had my six-month check-up last month. Labs were good and BP was just slightly elevated--it wasn't even mentioned by the surgeon. And I'm feeling great. I even walked to my sister's house tonight to return a toy of her daughter's that was left at our house, and my son and I raced back--and running wasn't a problem! Hallelujah! I even kept up with him (though I'm not sure he was giving it his all...)!
It's hard to believe, but I am steadily approaching 250 lbs--I'm just over six pounds away. 250 is the weight that my surgeon told me to I would likely get to between 12 and 18 months after surgery...and it's only been seven months. It feels like almost daily I pull clothes out of my closet and wonder if they'll fit--so I try them on and not only do they fit, but they're almost a little baggy. It's such a weird feeling.
It's strange to see some of my bones starting to show. My collarbone, for instance--hey, haven't seen you in a few years! In fact, I only saw you briefly for about a year during my whole adult life! Good to see you again :) And I was laying down on my bed tonight and realized, whoa, that's my ribcage sticking out just a tad (not that it shows when I stand up, but it's been ages that I've felt them stick out even when lying down). And I really notice a distinct lack of padding on when I sit on a hard chair.
My skin sags all over. At least it's mainly in areas I usually keep covered by clothes. And I'm sure it will lessen with time and as I work to tone those muscles. Sometimes it bothers me, that I'll never really be rid of it, these saggy, stretch mark-covered batwings on my arms and elsewhere...but then I realize, these are my battle scars. I have been through a war, and I'm finally winning--but I'll never be the same person I was before, and I need those reminders to help me remember and motivate me to never go back.
I can conquer anything.
I had my six-month check-up last month. Labs were good and BP was just slightly elevated--it wasn't even mentioned by the surgeon. And I'm feeling great. I even walked to my sister's house tonight to return a toy of her daughter's that was left at our house, and my son and I raced back--and running wasn't a problem! Hallelujah! I even kept up with him (though I'm not sure he was giving it his all...)!
It's hard to believe, but I am steadily approaching 250 lbs--I'm just over six pounds away. 250 is the weight that my surgeon told me to I would likely get to between 12 and 18 months after surgery...and it's only been seven months. It feels like almost daily I pull clothes out of my closet and wonder if they'll fit--so I try them on and not only do they fit, but they're almost a little baggy. It's such a weird feeling.
It's strange to see some of my bones starting to show. My collarbone, for instance--hey, haven't seen you in a few years! In fact, I only saw you briefly for about a year during my whole adult life! Good to see you again :) And I was laying down on my bed tonight and realized, whoa, that's my ribcage sticking out just a tad (not that it shows when I stand up, but it's been ages that I've felt them stick out even when lying down). And I really notice a distinct lack of padding on when I sit on a hard chair.
My skin sags all over. At least it's mainly in areas I usually keep covered by clothes. And I'm sure it will lessen with time and as I work to tone those muscles. Sometimes it bothers me, that I'll never really be rid of it, these saggy, stretch mark-covered batwings on my arms and elsewhere...but then I realize, these are my battle scars. I have been through a war, and I'm finally winning--but I'll never be the same person I was before, and I need those reminders to help me remember and motivate me to never go back.
I can conquer anything.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Update
Last time I posted, I mentioned how disappointed I was that I had to go back on my BP meds. Well, surprise surprise, I've since stopped taking them--they were making me super dizzy and lightheaded again! I just knew the dizziness was due to the medication, so I quit taking it after a week or so and the symptoms went away. Coincidence, I doubt it! But I haven't been keeping up on my BP readings, so I know that's bad. I should probably get my BP checked and make another appointment with my doctor to see about another type of medication, assuming things are still high. Ridiculous.
I had another endoscopy last week. This time I had a super sore throat for a few days afterward, and the area where they widened my pouch opening was kinda tender. Also, I apparently have an ulcer, so they gave me some giant pills to take four times a day. That's fun, especially because I always forget to take them. Bad me. But eating has gone a lot easier lately--haven't thrown up since the latest EGD, so I guess that's good. Nor have I felt the same nausea or tightness that I was having previously. Could it be that I'm finally on the road to full recovery? :o
Time is approaching for my 6-month post-surgery check-up. I just left a message with the doctor's office to schedule it, since last time I was there was in April and they didn't have July's schedule available yet. Kinda weird that I'm already six months out, and yet it's only been six months. So much has happened in those six months! I'm a whole new woman!
Not much else to report health-wise...I'm officially down to at-or-below my wedding weight, though the weight is distributed differently so I don't think I look as good as I used to (but that's another story). I still need to go through my closet and get rid of clothes that are too big. I find myself wearing belts with my jeans now, and I really need to go through my underwear drawer (those who are LDS know what I'm talking about) because it's starting to really hang off my body and bunch under my clothes. I tried on my swimsuit the other day and it looked decent, so I'm happy about that. I'll be wearing it next week on our CA trip.
That's about it for me! Need to be better about taking meds, but I'll get the lecture from the doctor later, I'm sure. I'm just glad I feel good most days.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Major Setback
I'm having a rough day today.
I had a check-up this morning with my primary care doctor. It was just supposed to be a regular appointment, with my annual exam and a couple blood tests. Most everything seemed good. My weight is still going down (a total of 153 now!), and the nurse even commented that I look like a different person now than when I started going to this office back in 2009.
Then they checked my blood pressure.
WHY, oh WHY is my BP high again? It was SUPER high today. They checked it several times to make sure it wasn't a machine error, and then at the end of the appointment, they even checked it manually. Each time, it was in the 160-170/100-120 range. That is BAD. And this means I get to go back on BP medication again...good thing I didn't throw it away before.
I gotta say, I'm not happy at all about this. In fact, it downright stinks. I felt the tears come as soon as I left the clinic and ended up sobbing in my car for awhile. I mean, how am I supposed to ever be able to have another baby if I can't get my blood pressure controlled? The specific medication I'm (back) on says you're not supposed to get pregnant while taking it. I know I'm not looking to get pregnant for another 1-2 years, but if my BP hasn't gone down after losing over 150 pounds, why would another 80-90 make much of a difference? And what else can I do? It's not like I'm overeating anymore.
I'm just a little--make that a LOT--depressed about this. I don't know what to do.
I had a check-up this morning with my primary care doctor. It was just supposed to be a regular appointment, with my annual exam and a couple blood tests. Most everything seemed good. My weight is still going down (a total of 153 now!), and the nurse even commented that I look like a different person now than when I started going to this office back in 2009.
Then they checked my blood pressure.
WHY, oh WHY is my BP high again? It was SUPER high today. They checked it several times to make sure it wasn't a machine error, and then at the end of the appointment, they even checked it manually. Each time, it was in the 160-170/100-120 range. That is BAD. And this means I get to go back on BP medication again...good thing I didn't throw it away before.
I gotta say, I'm not happy at all about this. In fact, it downright stinks. I felt the tears come as soon as I left the clinic and ended up sobbing in my car for awhile. I mean, how am I supposed to ever be able to have another baby if I can't get my blood pressure controlled? The specific medication I'm (back) on says you're not supposed to get pregnant while taking it. I know I'm not looking to get pregnant for another 1-2 years, but if my BP hasn't gone down after losing over 150 pounds, why would another 80-90 make much of a difference? And what else can I do? It's not like I'm overeating anymore.
I'm just a little--make that a LOT--depressed about this. I don't know what to do.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Out of the 300s!
You guys!!!! (Okay, hopefully you all know that I'm speaking to all of you, regardless of gender...it's the CA girl in me) Guess what guess what guess what? I have hit a HUGE milestone in my life:
I am now officially under 300 pounds!
Okay, now that is a craaazy thing to admit on a public blog, but I promised myself that I would be brutally honest here no matter what. Some people may not think this is something to celebrate, but I can guarantee that it's big for me (no pun intended).
I haven't been at this weight since shortly after my wedding (and side note: I am wearing today the pants that I wore in my engagement pictures. Yup, they fit. It's awesome.). In fact, I may even be around the same weight that I was when I got married...I don't remember the exact number.
And while my weight did fluctuate throughout college and on my mission, I weigh less now than I did on my high school graduation day. That is an amazing feeling.
Sure, the weight is distributed in different areas. Getting older and having gone through pregnancy and childbirth will do that do a person. But I feel so good. I get so many compliments these days! I didn't do this for the attention, though--I did it to get healthy. And I would say I am well on my way there.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
EGD results!
WARNING: Pictures of my insides are included in this post, so if that makes you queasy, you may want to skip the rest of the post! So as you don't miss much, know that I'm okay and the procedure went fine. They opened up the hole a little more and will do so again in four weeks. Yay! For those with stronger stomachs, please read on.
My husband and I arrived at the hospital a few minutes before my scheduled procedure on Monday. After filling out the paperwork and changing into a hospital gown, we waited for quite awhile before a nurse finally came to check my vitals and get an IV started. (Side perk of losing weight: starting the IV was MUCH easier this time around. Guess there's just not as much fat to go through to find the vein anymore. She only had to stick me once!) Then they wheeled me into the procedure room.
Once in the procedure room, the doctor came and discussed a few things with me--why I was there, what the problem was, a little bit of my recent medical history. He said I was at greater risk of complications from the EGD because of that silly perforation I had in February, but he reassured me that he would be extra careful. Thanks, doc. Then they put the oxygen thingy up my nose, had me lay on my left side, put a mouth guard in, and told me to start breathing deeply. At first, I didn't think it was working, but then I felt myself slowly slipping away...and I woke up back in the prep room, probably about 30 minutes later.
The first thing I remember is that I needed to pass some gas. Badly. I felt like my abdomen was full of air--I guess I swallowed a lot of air while my mouth was propped open by the mouth guard. Anyway, I had to wait until I felt more confident getting up to go down the hallway, but I made it somehow and...yeah, let's just say the relief was sweet. At least my husband was kind enough to say it honestly didn't smell. He's so nice to me.
Back in the prep room, the doctor told me what they found. It turns out the opening from my "stomach" (pouch) to my small intestine was about 8mm in diameter. Here is a picture:
So! Apparently I wasn't just dreaming the tightness and difficulty of digesting solid foods, and I'm supposedly on the way to becoming somewhat normal again. Hooray! I haven't yet tried something really solid, but I did have some oatmeal with apple chunks in it this morning, and I didn't have an adverse reaction to it, so I think that is a good sign. Here's to continued improvements!
Friday, May 6, 2011
EGD on Monday :o
Well, apparently I'm having an endoscopy on Monday--it's officially called an esophagogastroduodenoscopy, or EGD. Why? Let me give you some back story. I've been having trouble keeping food down for awhile now. It depends on the type of food, but I've noticed a pattern that softer foods go through a lot more easily (stuff like refried beans, mashed potatoes, yogurt) and more solid foods often get stuck and I end up throwing up (usually happens with chicken, fish, or something else equally solid--once I threw up raw carrots). Since I need to eat solid foods to get the protein my body needs, you can see how this could be a problem.
I mentioned this to my surgeon last week, and he said that it's possible the opening (not sure if it's the one from my esophagus to my stomach or my stomach to my small intestine) is too narrow, which probably would have resulted from my second surgery, when they used a whole lot of glue and everything to hold it all together. He told me to keep an eye on it and let him know if it was a problem. After throwing up from a simple meal like clam chowder yesterday, I knew I needed help, so I called the nurse at the surgeon's office. She spoke with Dr. Watts, and I've been scheduled for an EGD on Monday. I'm not sure if this will just be exploratory or if they'll widen the opening while they're down there, but...yeah.
I'm kinda nervous about it, so prayers would be appreciated. It would just be nice to actually eat the foods that I'm supposed to without worrying about them getting stuck and me eventually throwing up!
I mentioned this to my surgeon last week, and he said that it's possible the opening (not sure if it's the one from my esophagus to my stomach or my stomach to my small intestine) is too narrow, which probably would have resulted from my second surgery, when they used a whole lot of glue and everything to hold it all together. He told me to keep an eye on it and let him know if it was a problem. After throwing up from a simple meal like clam chowder yesterday, I knew I needed help, so I called the nurse at the surgeon's office. She spoke with Dr. Watts, and I've been scheduled for an EGD on Monday. I'm not sure if this will just be exploratory or if they'll widen the opening while they're down there, but...yeah.
I'm kinda nervous about it, so prayers would be appreciated. It would just be nice to actually eat the foods that I'm supposed to without worrying about them getting stuck and me eventually throwing up!
Monday, May 2, 2011
A new me is breaking out of the shell...
Monday, April 25, 2011
3-month check-up
Saw my surgeon again this morning for my 3-month check-up, and he said things are looking pretty good! My weight loss isn't as drastic as it was before, but I'm still steadily losing (down 119 now! Not too shabby!). He encouraged me to increase my exercise so I can maximize that weight loss--now that the weather is (somewhat) nicer, maybe I'll start going on walks or something.
I asked him about my hair loss, which has been pretty significant of late--seriously, I have to clean the brush out twice when I brush my hair after a shower. For those who know me in real life, you know I have very thick hair, so I guess I can afford to lose a little bit. However, this is more than just a little bit...I mean, at least I don't have bald patches or anything yet, but my ponytail feels quite a bit thinner. It's weird. It should get better with time, and in the meantime, I need to eat foods high in zinc and copper. Apparently kiwi fruit has high copper levels, so maybe I'll get me some o' that. Yum.
He also wrote me a prescription for my headaches. Tylenol just isn't cutting it. My go-to before surgery was generally Excedrin, but I can't have that now because aspirin can cause ulcers in someone with such a tiny stomach like me. I guess this new prescription has caffeine in it, which should help. I certainly hope so, because I don't like headaches.
That's pretty much it. I don't really have any abdominal pain, and my lab results have looked pretty good (as we saw in my last post). I go back in another six months. I've only got about 20 pounds before I cross the threshold from being "morbidly obese" to just plain "obese," according to the BMI scale. Is it weird that I'm excited to be labeled just plain old "obese"? :) I hope I can reach that within another couple of months.
Thank you all for your words of support and encouragement! They mean more to me than you know!
I asked him about my hair loss, which has been pretty significant of late--seriously, I have to clean the brush out twice when I brush my hair after a shower. For those who know me in real life, you know I have very thick hair, so I guess I can afford to lose a little bit. However, this is more than just a little bit...I mean, at least I don't have bald patches or anything yet, but my ponytail feels quite a bit thinner. It's weird. It should get better with time, and in the meantime, I need to eat foods high in zinc and copper. Apparently kiwi fruit has high copper levels, so maybe I'll get me some o' that. Yum.
He also wrote me a prescription for my headaches. Tylenol just isn't cutting it. My go-to before surgery was generally Excedrin, but I can't have that now because aspirin can cause ulcers in someone with such a tiny stomach like me. I guess this new prescription has caffeine in it, which should help. I certainly hope so, because I don't like headaches.
That's pretty much it. I don't really have any abdominal pain, and my lab results have looked pretty good (as we saw in my last post). I go back in another six months. I've only got about 20 pounds before I cross the threshold from being "morbidly obese" to just plain "obese," according to the BMI scale. Is it weird that I'm excited to be labeled just plain old "obese"? :) I hope I can reach that within another couple of months.
Thank you all for your words of support and encouragement! They mean more to me than you know!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Personal Health Assessment
I participated in a free health screening at my place of employment recently, and I just got the results back today. Of course, there are still things I need to improve, but I think I'm on my way. Here are my findings:
My BP was 136/88. That's slightly elevated, but hey, it's low enough that I don't need medication anymore, and the more weight I lose, the lower it should be. Woot woot!
Glucose level: 90. Lower than 100 is good. Sugar makes me slightly sick anyway, thanks to my surgery. Thankfully, I found some tasty no-sugar-added ice cream that I eat to give myself a treat every now and then :)
Cholesterol: 187. That's great! Desired range is lower than 200, so yay :)
Triglycerides: 225. These are high. I'm not sure what I can do to lower them, as I've learned that high levels can be caused by hypothyroidism, which I have regardless of my weight. I'll just have to watch this.
HDL: 34 (desired range is 40-60). These are low. Apparently I can raise them by losing weight, increasing my physical activity, and eating healthier fats--all of which I am currently doing, so I should see this increase with time.
LDL: 108 (ideal is below 130). This is perfect, I think :)
Oh, and something else cool that I figured out has to do with BMI (Body Mass Index). I have always hated BMI, because it doesn't take into account how much muscle you have or anything like that. Anyway, I realized today that I started out with a BMI of 59. That is HIGH. And as of my last weigh-in, my BMI is 43. I think that's pretty darn good. I'm shooting to get under 30 someday (ideal would be under 25, since that's the threshold between normal BMI and overweight), so we'll see how soon I can get there.
It's so good to know that I'm on my way to a healthier me--not just that I look better, but I'm adding years to my life. And that's awesome.
My BP was 136/88. That's slightly elevated, but hey, it's low enough that I don't need medication anymore, and the more weight I lose, the lower it should be. Woot woot!
Glucose level: 90. Lower than 100 is good. Sugar makes me slightly sick anyway, thanks to my surgery. Thankfully, I found some tasty no-sugar-added ice cream that I eat to give myself a treat every now and then :)
Cholesterol: 187. That's great! Desired range is lower than 200, so yay :)
Triglycerides: 225. These are high. I'm not sure what I can do to lower them, as I've learned that high levels can be caused by hypothyroidism, which I have regardless of my weight. I'll just have to watch this.
HDL: 34 (desired range is 40-60). These are low. Apparently I can raise them by losing weight, increasing my physical activity, and eating healthier fats--all of which I am currently doing, so I should see this increase with time.
LDL: 108 (ideal is below 130). This is perfect, I think :)
Oh, and something else cool that I figured out has to do with BMI (Body Mass Index). I have always hated BMI, because it doesn't take into account how much muscle you have or anything like that. Anyway, I realized today that I started out with a BMI of 59. That is HIGH. And as of my last weigh-in, my BMI is 43. I think that's pretty darn good. I'm shooting to get under 30 someday (ideal would be under 25, since that's the threshold between normal BMI and overweight), so we'll see how soon I can get there.
It's so good to know that I'm on my way to a healthier me--not just that I look better, but I'm adding years to my life. And that's awesome.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
It's official
I did it. I crossed the century mark. And you know what else? I was able to weigh myself on my home bathroom scale. I haven't been able to do that in a couple of years (sad, huh?). Of course, it's probably not as accurate as the one at the doctor's office, but I'll take it.
It feels so good.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Birds flyin' high, you know how I feel...
Yup, that's right, I'm actually feeling good! (And if you don't know what song I'm referring to, then go here)
This past week, I realized that I'm feeling almost completely back to normal. I mean, sure, I still feel a lack of energy, but it's probably about the same as I was 100 lbs ago. I mean, who has a ton of energy when they weigh over 400 lbs? I certainly didn't! I'm not exactly sure how far my weight loss has gone now, but I was at 94 lbs down as of two weeks ago, so I think it's safe to say I've hit the century mark by now. It's been quite the ride. I'm still having trouble with gagging and having the appetite for food, but I'm slowly learning what my body can handle and it's coming along.
Best news this week: I'm off my blood pressure medication! I'd been on medication for high blood pressure (we're talking 170/100 unmedicated--it was bad) for over a year now. Well, in the past three weeks, I went from two pills to one, then to half a pill, and now I'm off it. It's an amazing feeling! And the dizziness is pretty much gone now, so I'm pretty excited about that.
I've been getting compliments a lot--I look amazing, fabulous, so good, etc. Makes me happy! :) I'm so grateful to all of you for your support and words of encouragement. I figured it's about time to post a picture, so here ya go:
Sorry it's kinda dark. I'll have to get all dressed up and have my husband take a picture so you can see it better. But hey, that's me! And I'm feeling good! Hooray! =D
This past week, I realized that I'm feeling almost completely back to normal. I mean, sure, I still feel a lack of energy, but it's probably about the same as I was 100 lbs ago. I mean, who has a ton of energy when they weigh over 400 lbs? I certainly didn't! I'm not exactly sure how far my weight loss has gone now, but I was at 94 lbs down as of two weeks ago, so I think it's safe to say I've hit the century mark by now. It's been quite the ride. I'm still having trouble with gagging and having the appetite for food, but I'm slowly learning what my body can handle and it's coming along.
Best news this week: I'm off my blood pressure medication! I'd been on medication for high blood pressure (we're talking 170/100 unmedicated--it was bad) for over a year now. Well, in the past three weeks, I went from two pills to one, then to half a pill, and now I'm off it. It's an amazing feeling! And the dizziness is pretty much gone now, so I'm pretty excited about that.
I've been getting compliments a lot--I look amazing, fabulous, so good, etc. Makes me happy! :) I'm so grateful to all of you for your support and words of encouragement. I figured it's about time to post a picture, so here ya go:
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
A bit better today
THANK YOU so much to all of your comments and words of support and wisdom. Seriously, they mean so much to me and I can feel your love and prayers as I read them. I am so grateful to know there are so many people out there rooting for me to have success and to finally be healthy!
I met with my primary care doctor today because of those dizzy spells I've been having (had another big one on Monday), and it was determined that it's definitely low blood pressure. It was 90/60 today! So my med dosage was cut in half, and now I need to keep track of it over the coming weeks and, if I need to, cut it in half again, and then maybe I'll even be off of it in a month or so. Hooray! I was hoping that this surgery would help with my hypertension, but I didn't think it would be this quickly. Yay!
Oh, and I lost another six pounds in the last week. That's a total of 91--I'm so close to the century mark, I can feel it. And I'm also right around the weight I was before I became pregnant with my son! That's exciting, knowing that I'm finally back down to where my weight REALLY started spiraling out of control, and I know I'll do whatever it takes to not get back here again. It's a great feeling.
I see the surgeon again this Friday to (hopefully!) remove my drain and see how things are going. I'll post again then! Love you all!
I met with my primary care doctor today because of those dizzy spells I've been having (had another big one on Monday), and it was determined that it's definitely low blood pressure. It was 90/60 today! So my med dosage was cut in half, and now I need to keep track of it over the coming weeks and, if I need to, cut it in half again, and then maybe I'll even be off of it in a month or so. Hooray! I was hoping that this surgery would help with my hypertension, but I didn't think it would be this quickly. Yay!
Oh, and I lost another six pounds in the last week. That's a total of 91--I'm so close to the century mark, I can feel it. And I'm also right around the weight I was before I became pregnant with my son! That's exciting, knowing that I'm finally back down to where my weight REALLY started spiraling out of control, and I know I'll do whatever it takes to not get back here again. It's a great feeling.
I see the surgeon again this Friday to (hopefully!) remove my drain and see how things are going. I'll post again then! Love you all!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Having a hard time :(
I've tried to be positive on this blog, because this really is a positive thing that I'm doing and I don't want to talk the procedure down--I honestly think it will save my life in the long run. Seriously, though, I need to just vent a little bit right now.
First of all, I am SO tired of the limited food I can eat. And the thing is, I think it's becoming psychological--I almost feel nauseated at the thought of having yet another slice of deli meat, or another bowl of cottage cheese, or another plate of refried beans with cheese or sour cream. So even though the doctor told me to increase my intake and add some more snacks, I'm having trouble doing that because I just can't stomach those foods anymore.
I'll admit it: I miss regular food. I miss pasta. I miss bread, just a little peanut butter sandwich or something. I miss mashed potatoes. I miss salad. It's hard to go without foods I've had all my life! I think it's almost worse for me because, had I not had the setback of another surgery, I would be to a point where I could have a lot more foods by now (not breads, but at least I could probably have some grilled chicken and maybe some peeled cucumber or something like that). But no, I'm technically only on the 2-week-post-op food list, meaning I'm relegated to not many options. It's getting old fast.
I'm tired of not feeling like myself. I've always been the strong one, the one who did so much, who worked so hard, who would go, go, go until people told me I needed to rest. I'm not used to being weak, to having people take care of me, to the looks of concern that my husband gives me whenever I whimper for whatever pain I just felt. It's been over six weeks since I've felt like a normal person, and I miss that.
I've had a couple episodes of tunnel vision in recent days--once at Walmart with my mom on Thursday and once last night at the grocery store. I didn't actually pass out, but I definitely had to hunch over the cart and breathe deeply for awhile. I even broke out in a cold sweat at Walmart and had to sit down. I have a feeling that it's my blood pressure. I've been on blood pressure medication for a little over a year, and now that I'm back to a weight where I didn't have high BP in the past, I'm wondering if the problem is gone, or at least diminished, and the medication is unnecessary. I mean, if my BP is already down to a normal range on its own and I'm taking medication to lower it even more, that could be causing my problems with dizziness or tunnel vision or what-have-you. I plan to call the doctor in the morning.
Anyway, I just wanted to record that no, it's not all sun-and-roses these days. Sure, the weight loss is good, but I'm wondering if it's worth it right now. It will be eventually, some part of me knows, but the conscious, active part of me just wants to be normal. And soon.
Thanks for listening to me whine :)
First of all, I am SO tired of the limited food I can eat. And the thing is, I think it's becoming psychological--I almost feel nauseated at the thought of having yet another slice of deli meat, or another bowl of cottage cheese, or another plate of refried beans with cheese or sour cream. So even though the doctor told me to increase my intake and add some more snacks, I'm having trouble doing that because I just can't stomach those foods anymore.
I'll admit it: I miss regular food. I miss pasta. I miss bread, just a little peanut butter sandwich or something. I miss mashed potatoes. I miss salad. It's hard to go without foods I've had all my life! I think it's almost worse for me because, had I not had the setback of another surgery, I would be to a point where I could have a lot more foods by now (not breads, but at least I could probably have some grilled chicken and maybe some peeled cucumber or something like that). But no, I'm technically only on the 2-week-post-op food list, meaning I'm relegated to not many options. It's getting old fast.
I'm tired of not feeling like myself. I've always been the strong one, the one who did so much, who worked so hard, who would go, go, go until people told me I needed to rest. I'm not used to being weak, to having people take care of me, to the looks of concern that my husband gives me whenever I whimper for whatever pain I just felt. It's been over six weeks since I've felt like a normal person, and I miss that.
I've had a couple episodes of tunnel vision in recent days--once at Walmart with my mom on Thursday and once last night at the grocery store. I didn't actually pass out, but I definitely had to hunch over the cart and breathe deeply for awhile. I even broke out in a cold sweat at Walmart and had to sit down. I have a feeling that it's my blood pressure. I've been on blood pressure medication for a little over a year, and now that I'm back to a weight where I didn't have high BP in the past, I'm wondering if the problem is gone, or at least diminished, and the medication is unnecessary. I mean, if my BP is already down to a normal range on its own and I'm taking medication to lower it even more, that could be causing my problems with dizziness or tunnel vision or what-have-you. I plan to call the doctor in the morning.
Anyway, I just wanted to record that no, it's not all sun-and-roses these days. Sure, the weight loss is good, but I'm wondering if it's worth it right now. It will be eventually, some part of me knows, but the conscious, active part of me just wants to be normal. And soon.
Thanks for listening to me whine :)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Too much too soon :o
I had a check-up with my surgeon today. I was supposed to get my drain taken out, but Dr. Watts decided to be extra cautious and have me keep it in another week. Oh, well. I'm glad we're playing it safe.
Weigh-in: 352.2 pounds. That means I've lost a total of 85 pounds since I first met with the surgeon in November, and I've lost 52 pounds since I had my initial RNY surgery six weeks ago. That sounds good, right? Well, apparently the surgeon said it's a little TOO much too soon :o I didn't know that was possible! Never in my life did I imagine I would be told I am losing weight too quickly. Crazy.
Anyway, Dr. Watts suggested I add a couple of snacks to my daily diet, as well as start drinking milk as part of my regular fluid intake. I also need to take two multivitamins a day instead of just one. "Weight loss isn't the issue with you right now," he said, so he wants me to up my caloric intake just a tad to give me more energy. I've been feeling rather lethargic, and the simplest tasks wear me out. I thought it was just my body still recuperating from surgery, but it's also my lack of nutrition. So, I'm going to focus on changing my diet a little to make sure I'm doing better.
So, it was a good appointment, I suppose--interesting, at least. My mom is still here, helping me out and keeping me company while I'm at home. I'm sleeping a lot, so hopefully I can overcome that soon so I can start going back to work. It's been a crazy roller coaster, this whole surgery thing!
Weigh-in: 352.2 pounds. That means I've lost a total of 85 pounds since I first met with the surgeon in November, and I've lost 52 pounds since I had my initial RNY surgery six weeks ago. That sounds good, right? Well, apparently the surgeon said it's a little TOO much too soon :o I didn't know that was possible! Never in my life did I imagine I would be told I am losing weight too quickly. Crazy.
Anyway, Dr. Watts suggested I add a couple of snacks to my daily diet, as well as start drinking milk as part of my regular fluid intake. I also need to take two multivitamins a day instead of just one. "Weight loss isn't the issue with you right now," he said, so he wants me to up my caloric intake just a tad to give me more energy. I've been feeling rather lethargic, and the simplest tasks wear me out. I thought it was just my body still recuperating from surgery, but it's also my lack of nutrition. So, I'm going to focus on changing my diet a little to make sure I'm doing better.
So, it was a good appointment, I suppose--interesting, at least. My mom is still here, helping me out and keeping me company while I'm at home. I'm sleeping a lot, so hopefully I can overcome that soon so I can start going back to work. It's been a crazy roller coaster, this whole surgery thing!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I'm home!!!!!
I never want to spend that long in a hospital again. I finally was discharged today after just over a week of IVs in my neck (yeah, in my neck), incessant beeps from random alarms, oxygen assistance, gowns and slipper socks that never stayed on my feet, an adjustable bed that was actually quite comfortable but that I really wished didn't have a guard at the bottom because my feet kept getting jammed up against it (oh, the curses of being six feet tall), compression thingies on my legs that felt like I was chained to the bed, having difficulties getting to the bathroom on time because I was connected to so many cords, having my monthly visitor during the entire thing...oh, yeah, I am so glad to be home from the hospital.
Technically, my secondary surgery was 8 days ago now, but since I wasn't approved to start drinking and eating until Monday, I'm now on Day 3 of the post-op diet, which means skim milk, cream of wheat, cottage cheese, yogurt, and strained soups (cream of chicken and tomato). I'll be on that until Saturday, at which point I can start re-introducing all the foods I was eating before this wonderful event occurred last week.
Did I mention I am SO HAPPY to no longer be in the hospital? Because I am.
Thank you to all of you for your support, words of encouragement, and most especially, for your positive thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. I've been told I came dangerously close to being deathly ill there, and it's lucky they caught the problem and were able to fix it when they did. I'm recommitting myself to following my diet plan and taking it easy--my mom is here this time around to help with my recovery (she just got here yesterday), and she plans to make sure I don't try to do too much too soon--and I'm sure I'll recover with the Lord's help. I love you all!
Technically, my secondary surgery was 8 days ago now, but since I wasn't approved to start drinking and eating until Monday, I'm now on Day 3 of the post-op diet, which means skim milk, cream of wheat, cottage cheese, yogurt, and strained soups (cream of chicken and tomato). I'll be on that until Saturday, at which point I can start re-introducing all the foods I was eating before this wonderful event occurred last week.
Did I mention I am SO HAPPY to no longer be in the hospital? Because I am.
Thank you to all of you for your support, words of encouragement, and most especially, for your positive thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. I've been told I came dangerously close to being deathly ill there, and it's lucky they caught the problem and were able to fix it when they did. I'm recommitting myself to following my diet plan and taking it easy--my mom is here this time around to help with my recovery (she just got here yesterday), and she plans to make sure I don't try to do too much too soon--and I'm sure I'll recover with the Lord's help. I love you all!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Four weeks later...
First off, a picture for you. The date of this picture is February 19th, 2011.
What, you say? Wasn't your surgery on JANUARY 19th, not February 19th? Why, yes you would be correct. You would also be correct if you then followed basic logic to realize that I am, in fact, in the hospital once again, this time for even longer. Here's why.
Monday, Valentine's Day, was great. My husband and I had a nice, quiet evening together watching a movie and exchanging a few simple gifts. I felt great physically that day, like I was finally overcoming the ordeal of surgery.
Then around 5am Tuesday morning, PAIN. A lot of it. It felt like someone had shoved a huge ball of gas just underneath the left side of my ribcage and it was trying to break free. I just lay there and moaned, cried out, writhed in pain. It hurt! I woke C up and had him help me down the hallway to the bathroom, where I felt release would come. It didn't. C went back to bed, and I kept sitting on the pot, trying in vain to find some relief. When it didn't come, I ventured back towards the bedroom.
I didn't make it.
I woke up just outside our bedroom door on the floor, C frantically calling my name and rubbing my side. I was so confused...did I fall out of bed? I asked. "No...you're still in the hallway, love." "Oh. So I passed out?" Apparently so! I crawled over to bed, one of the greatest feats of strength I have ever done, and heaved myself back onto the pillowtop, which usually brings so much comfort. I managed to keep my cries to a minimum so C could get some sleep before going to work.
The next morning, he hurriedly got ready for work while I made calls to work..."Um, yeah, last night was a bad night and I'm not going to make it in today..." C was so hesitant about leaving me, but somebody had to work that day! While he was gone, I just lay there in bed. I couldn't even sit up, didn't bother turning on the TV, didn't feel like I needed a book to read, just...lay there. And hurt.
He checked on me during his lunch break and brought home Gas-X, which did little to relieve anything. A man from our church came by and joined my husband in giving me a priesthood blessing, in which I was promised I would be made whole. Back to bed I went, leaving Cody to sleep on the couch because any jostling of the bed just hurt too much.
Wednesday morning, I woke up and called Ginny (the nurse from the UV Surgical Weight Loss Program). Asked her what to do--she said she'd talk to my surgeon and call me back. Next thing I know, we're on our way to the hospital to get a CT scan. It was sooo hard to walk around, get in and out of cars, etc--especially since I was moving on no practically no food or water since Monday night, because it had been practically impossible to force myself to swallow anything. News came from the CT scan...not so good. There was a perforation, a small little hole below one of the staple lines on my small intestine. The doctors said they'd never seen this happen so late, four weeks after surgery. It's incredibly rare.
This meant I soon found myself checking in for surgery. Again. Instead of having my four-week check-up, I was going through pre-op again (except I did find out I was down to 365, woot woot!). They fixed the leak and now I'm in the hospital recuperating. Again.
The days since then have been hard for different reasons. One, because I arrived in such a state of dehydration and almost a state of kidney failure that I was kinda touch-and-go there for awhile. My blood pressure was dangerously low that entire first night, I was on constant oxygen, and they even kept me in the ICU for the first two nights so I would have more nurse attention. I was ordered to not try to get out of bed until at least Friday. I'm not supposed to eat or drink anything until MAYBE Monday, with possible discharge from the hospital itself on Wednesday (meaning a week-long stay).
Another reason it's been hard is just the emotional aspect of it. I've already been through this! I've already done the 3-4 week diet. I've already had to go through the "Ouch, my stomach hurts so much, can you pick this up off the floor for me, I need a pillow to cover my abdomen all the time" stages. And now I have to do it again.
But as hard as it has been, and as much as I have been upset about all of this, you know what? That won't change anything. I can be mad and bitter about having to recover again, or I can just take it in stride and even maybe look at it positively--hey, maybe I'll lose more weight this way, huh? ;) I'm really okay, but it has definitely been an ordeal.
But hey, if anyone out there wants to come visit me at UVRMC, I'm on the sixth floor, room 687. I love visitors! :) And I love all your words of support! I'm so humbled and grateful to have such good friends!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Slowly returning to "normal"
I can't believe it's been over two weeks since I last posted. I would say it's because I've been super busy, but that's really not the case because I'm nowhere near what I used to do before the surgery. I'll just blame it on the recovery. Yeah, that's it.
So, how am I doing? My usual answer is "I'm okay." I'm not 100%, but neither am I the slow-moving, I-only-get-up-to-go-to-the-bathroom-or-take-a-walk person I was two weeks ago. I can walk with relative ease, I can sit almost anywhere, I can sleep on my stomach again (this is MAJOR...I suffered from lack of sleep for awhile there because I just can't sleep well on my back), and I can pick stuff up from off the floor. This is all very exciting stuff, people. I just never realized how much I use my abdominal muscles for, well, everything--reaching for something, stretching, even for tipping my head back to rinse my hair in the shower (this might be more because I'm tall, so I have to tip my head back more than the average person). I'm not ready to do crunches or anything yet, but I'm better.
Eating is so different, and I'm still adjusting to the fact that it will never be the same again. The main things I eat these days are canned chicken, carrots, green beans, refried beans, yogurt (nonfat/low sugar), cottage cheese, deli meat, string cheese, and various other cheeses (mozzarella, colby jack, etc). I'm supposed to stick to 70% protein and 30% vegetable, but right now my diet is still limited because my stomach is still healing. Around 4-6 weeks, my options should broaden to almost any kind of protein--meat, seafood, cheese, dairy, etc, most vegetables (they say celery can be too fibrous for the stomach, as well as corn and maybe peas), soups (without the broth), and some fruits (though fruit should be used sparingly because of its natural sugars).
Meals are still 2 oz in volume, which equals about 4 tablespoons, and that fills me up. Over time, that will increase, but I think it'll stay at 2 oz until around 12 weeks. Oh, and it's supposed to take me 20-30 minutes to eat those 4 tbsp. You'd think it would be hard to make it last that long, but if I eat too quickly, I get sick, so I stretch it out as long as possible. If I haven't finished after 30 minutes, then I either throw the rest out or save it for later (usually the former, since the amount left over is so little).
I'm slowly returning to work. This past week, I managed to work about 5-6 hours a day--I'd go in around 9 or 9:30, work for about three hours, then go lay down in my car for 45 minutes or so, then work another 2-3 hours before I went home. We'll see if I can get up to full-time hours this week.
My clothes are definitely feeling looser--I should post a picture. My winter coat used to be a struggle to close, and now I can button it with ease. My pants aren't falling off yet, thank goodness, but I have a lot more room in the legs now. And it's weird to not have some of my shirts feel tight against my stomach. My husband says my double chin is almost gone, which is fine with me!
I meet with the surgeon again on Wednesday, my 4-week check-up, to weigh in and make sure everything is going well. I'll be sure to post again with the new updates!
So, how am I doing? My usual answer is "I'm okay." I'm not 100%, but neither am I the slow-moving, I-only-get-up-to-go-to-the-bathroom-or-take-a-walk person I was two weeks ago. I can walk with relative ease, I can sit almost anywhere, I can sleep on my stomach again (this is MAJOR...I suffered from lack of sleep for awhile there because I just can't sleep well on my back), and I can pick stuff up from off the floor. This is all very exciting stuff, people. I just never realized how much I use my abdominal muscles for, well, everything--reaching for something, stretching, even for tipping my head back to rinse my hair in the shower (this might be more because I'm tall, so I have to tip my head back more than the average person). I'm not ready to do crunches or anything yet, but I'm better.
Eating is so different, and I'm still adjusting to the fact that it will never be the same again. The main things I eat these days are canned chicken, carrots, green beans, refried beans, yogurt (nonfat/low sugar), cottage cheese, deli meat, string cheese, and various other cheeses (mozzarella, colby jack, etc). I'm supposed to stick to 70% protein and 30% vegetable, but right now my diet is still limited because my stomach is still healing. Around 4-6 weeks, my options should broaden to almost any kind of protein--meat, seafood, cheese, dairy, etc, most vegetables (they say celery can be too fibrous for the stomach, as well as corn and maybe peas), soups (without the broth), and some fruits (though fruit should be used sparingly because of its natural sugars).
Meals are still 2 oz in volume, which equals about 4 tablespoons, and that fills me up. Over time, that will increase, but I think it'll stay at 2 oz until around 12 weeks. Oh, and it's supposed to take me 20-30 minutes to eat those 4 tbsp. You'd think it would be hard to make it last that long, but if I eat too quickly, I get sick, so I stretch it out as long as possible. If I haven't finished after 30 minutes, then I either throw the rest out or save it for later (usually the former, since the amount left over is so little).
I'm slowly returning to work. This past week, I managed to work about 5-6 hours a day--I'd go in around 9 or 9:30, work for about three hours, then go lay down in my car for 45 minutes or so, then work another 2-3 hours before I went home. We'll see if I can get up to full-time hours this week.
My clothes are definitely feeling looser--I should post a picture. My winter coat used to be a struggle to close, and now I can button it with ease. My pants aren't falling off yet, thank goodness, but I have a lot more room in the legs now. And it's weird to not have some of my shirts feel tight against my stomach. My husband says my double chin is almost gone, which is fine with me!
I meet with the surgeon again on Wednesday, my 4-week check-up, to weigh in and make sure everything is going well. I'll be sure to post again with the new updates!
Friday, January 28, 2011
9 days post-op
It's been a rough week, I won't lie. I'm still on pain meds and have a difficult time getting up and sitting down, but it's getting better. My diet currently consists of 2 oz (4 tablespoons) of various things, like yogurt, cottage cheese, string cheese, cream of wheat, and refried beans. It's hard to get all the water in that I'm supposed to, because I sometimes even feel nauseated when I drink water. The doctor said that's probably because I'm filling up my pouch, so he prescribed me some anti-nausea meds and advised me to drink more slowly.
Speaking of which, I had my first follow-up with the surgeon today, mainly to remove the JP drain I've had in my stomach and just discuss any issues I've had. Oh, and guess what? I lost another 16 pounds! That means that, since my first appointment with the surgeon in November, I have lost approximately 49 pounds. Dude! Isn't that awesome? I'm so excited about that. Sure, it's been sooooo hard, but it's already worth it. Yay!
Speaking of which, I had my first follow-up with the surgeon today, mainly to remove the JP drain I've had in my stomach and just discuss any issues I've had. Oh, and guess what? I lost another 16 pounds! That means that, since my first appointment with the surgeon in November, I have lost approximately 49 pounds. Dude! Isn't that awesome? I'm so excited about that. Sure, it's been sooooo hard, but it's already worth it. Yay!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Stronger every day...
I've been home almost two days now, and while I have moments where it hurts so badly I want to pass out, I feel like I'm getting better and better. I can get up more easily and walk around with less pain than even yesterday. As long as I keep up with my pain meds when necessary, I think I'll be fine.
I need to be better about my intake, though. I keep forgetting to eat or drink--it's so weird not to feel hungry! My belly rumbles a lot, but it's not hunger growls...I think it's just what I have dubbed "Mr. Newly-Rerouted GI Tract", and he's letting me know that he's still adjusting to things. Well, that makes two of us, Mr. NRGIT. Just have patience and we'll both get better eventually.
I wanted to record what one of the nurses, Jill, said to me the other day, just as I was about to be discharged from the hospital. She said that she is just so excited for me, and that she can sense something different in me, something that sets me apart from the other bariatric patients they get on the surgical floor. She said I just seem so positive, so motivated, and that this is something that will do wonders for me and my health. She also said she spoke to Ginny, who is the UVSWL Program Coordinator, and Ginny said the same. They can tell that I'm ready for this, that I will follow the rules, and I am going to change my life.
It meant so much to me to hear that from them. It's a lot to live up to, but something inside me tells me that they're right--I AM ready for this, and I am going to do all I can to take advantage of it and make it work for me. I've been a captive of my weight for so long, and it's finally time to take control and conquer it. I'm on my way already!
I need to be better about my intake, though. I keep forgetting to eat or drink--it's so weird not to feel hungry! My belly rumbles a lot, but it's not hunger growls...I think it's just what I have dubbed "Mr. Newly-Rerouted GI Tract", and he's letting me know that he's still adjusting to things. Well, that makes two of us, Mr. NRGIT. Just have patience and we'll both get better eventually.
I wanted to record what one of the nurses, Jill, said to me the other day, just as I was about to be discharged from the hospital. She said that she is just so excited for me, and that she can sense something different in me, something that sets me apart from the other bariatric patients they get on the surgical floor. She said I just seem so positive, so motivated, and that this is something that will do wonders for me and my health. She also said she spoke to Ginny, who is the UVSWL Program Coordinator, and Ginny said the same. They can tell that I'm ready for this, that I will follow the rules, and I am going to change my life.
It meant so much to me to hear that from them. It's a lot to live up to, but something inside me tells me that they're right--I AM ready for this, and I am going to do all I can to take advantage of it and make it work for me. I've been a captive of my weight for so long, and it's finally time to take control and conquer it. I'm on my way already!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Home from the hospital!
What a roller coaster that was! I got home from the hospital around 3:30 this afternoon, and it is sooo nice to be home. Here is a synopsis of the past few days...
Wednesday morning, my husband C and I woke up at 5am and made it to the hospital for check-in time at 5:30 (we left the baby monitor and a house key with the family downstairs so they could get my son, J, when he woke up at his normal time). After several more attempts of starting an IV in my arm--seriously, my bruises are OH-so-lovely--they finally got it in my left hand, I said goodbye to C, and then was wheeled into the holding area. The last thing I remember is signing something authorizing anesthesia, and then I woke up in the same place, with a CPAP machine on my face and someone saying my husband went to run an errand and would be back soon. Weird. They brought me to a tiny room, started taking my vitals, and C arrived. The rest of the day involved me getting up once or twice, making a few rounds of the little surgical area (sloooowly), and me snoozing and pushing the pain meds button quite a few times. C had to leave around 4 because he worked that night, so I think I just slept after that. It's hard to get good sleep in a hospital.
Thursday, I woke up and was taken downstairs to do something called a barium swallow (I think). I had to drink this gross stuff while they did an x-ray of it going down my esophagus to check for leaks. That stuff was gross--it was the first thing I had to eat or drink since Tuesday night...blech. Anyway, then I went back to my floor and did more watching TV and making slow rounds of the surgical unit. Once I got the approval to start "eating" and drinking, they removed my IV and started giving me liquid Lortab. Oh, and my sisters came to visit! That really lifted my spirits. They're both so fun :) They had to leave then, and by the time C stopped by on his way to work that night (K&R spent the night at our house to be there for J), my pain was pretty bad. I'm afraid I worried him a bit that night :( The rest of the night was really rough, honestly--they kept pressuring me to use the bathroom, since they had removed my catheter earlier that day and they needed to make sure I was "voiding my bladder" every so often. I just couldn't do it, so around 3am they did an ultrasound of my bladder and then did a straight cath. So not fun to have someone pushing on your stomach when you just had major abdominal surgery.
Friday was a bit better. I was pushing through the pain more and was more steady on my feet, although it was still really hard to get up and down. I finally peed on my own! Sorry, I'm sure you didn't want to know that, but it was a small victory. Oh, and the nurse gave me a sponge bath. You know, you really can't expect privacy when you just had a surgery like this--good thing I'd largely gotten over that when I had my son, which is a process that doesn't allow for privacy whatsoever. I felt better after that, and C and J came to visit that evening. It was so good to see both of them. The nurse took pity on me and offered me pain meds and some benadryl to help me sleep--I took her up on it and had a wonderful night of sleep (finally).
Saturday (today) was much the same as Friday, although I was really looking forward to going home so I was a little distracted. My surgeon was off for the weekend and the doctor who saw me wasn't familiar with the post-op diet for bariatric patients, so he told me he didn't want to release me because he didn't think I was hydrated enough. After thinking about it, I realized I was intaking exactly what I was supposed to, so I got the nurses on my side and they finally managed to get me released around 3pm. Yay!
So, current diet: 3-4 ounces of water every hour and 2 oz of cottage cheese, yogurt, or other full liquid three times a day. On Monday, I can start adding other things, such as refried beans, string cheese, and veggies. 70% protein, 30% vegetable--that is what I am looking at for the next few months. Everything needs to be basically pureed or really soft for about four weeks, and then I can start adding raw veggies and things like regular chicken.
It's harder than I ever thought it would be, but I'm so excited to finally be here. Oh, and another good note: I weighed myself the morning before the surgery, and I was down another 17 pounds--meaning I'd lost a total of 33 pounds on the liquid diet. Woot woot! So I was 404 lbs going into surgery, and I imagine I probably lost at least a little bit while in the hospital, so maybe I'm already below 400. Yay!
Thank you all for being so supportive and great about all of this! Love you!
Wednesday morning, my husband C and I woke up at 5am and made it to the hospital for check-in time at 5:30 (we left the baby monitor and a house key with the family downstairs so they could get my son, J, when he woke up at his normal time). After several more attempts of starting an IV in my arm--seriously, my bruises are OH-so-lovely--they finally got it in my left hand, I said goodbye to C, and then was wheeled into the holding area. The last thing I remember is signing something authorizing anesthesia, and then I woke up in the same place, with a CPAP machine on my face and someone saying my husband went to run an errand and would be back soon. Weird. They brought me to a tiny room, started taking my vitals, and C arrived. The rest of the day involved me getting up once or twice, making a few rounds of the little surgical area (sloooowly), and me snoozing and pushing the pain meds button quite a few times. C had to leave around 4 because he worked that night, so I think I just slept after that. It's hard to get good sleep in a hospital.
Thursday, I woke up and was taken downstairs to do something called a barium swallow (I think). I had to drink this gross stuff while they did an x-ray of it going down my esophagus to check for leaks. That stuff was gross--it was the first thing I had to eat or drink since Tuesday night...blech. Anyway, then I went back to my floor and did more watching TV and making slow rounds of the surgical unit. Once I got the approval to start "eating" and drinking, they removed my IV and started giving me liquid Lortab. Oh, and my sisters came to visit! That really lifted my spirits. They're both so fun :) They had to leave then, and by the time C stopped by on his way to work that night (K&R spent the night at our house to be there for J), my pain was pretty bad. I'm afraid I worried him a bit that night :( The rest of the night was really rough, honestly--they kept pressuring me to use the bathroom, since they had removed my catheter earlier that day and they needed to make sure I was "voiding my bladder" every so often. I just couldn't do it, so around 3am they did an ultrasound of my bladder and then did a straight cath. So not fun to have someone pushing on your stomach when you just had major abdominal surgery.
Friday was a bit better. I was pushing through the pain more and was more steady on my feet, although it was still really hard to get up and down. I finally peed on my own! Sorry, I'm sure you didn't want to know that, but it was a small victory. Oh, and the nurse gave me a sponge bath. You know, you really can't expect privacy when you just had a surgery like this--good thing I'd largely gotten over that when I had my son, which is a process that doesn't allow for privacy whatsoever. I felt better after that, and C and J came to visit that evening. It was so good to see both of them. The nurse took pity on me and offered me pain meds and some benadryl to help me sleep--I took her up on it and had a wonderful night of sleep (finally).
Saturday (today) was much the same as Friday, although I was really looking forward to going home so I was a little distracted. My surgeon was off for the weekend and the doctor who saw me wasn't familiar with the post-op diet for bariatric patients, so he told me he didn't want to release me because he didn't think I was hydrated enough. After thinking about it, I realized I was intaking exactly what I was supposed to, so I got the nurses on my side and they finally managed to get me released around 3pm. Yay!
So, current diet: 3-4 ounces of water every hour and 2 oz of cottage cheese, yogurt, or other full liquid three times a day. On Monday, I can start adding other things, such as refried beans, string cheese, and veggies. 70% protein, 30% vegetable--that is what I am looking at for the next few months. Everything needs to be basically pureed or really soft for about four weeks, and then I can start adding raw veggies and things like regular chicken.
It's harder than I ever thought it would be, but I'm so excited to finally be here. Oh, and another good note: I weighed myself the morning before the surgery, and I was down another 17 pounds--meaning I'd lost a total of 33 pounds on the liquid diet. Woot woot! So I was 404 lbs going into surgery, and I imagine I probably lost at least a little bit while in the hospital, so maybe I'm already below 400. Yay!
Thank you all for being so supportive and great about all of this! Love you!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Postponed :(
I checked in at the hospital at 9:30 this morning along with my husband and had some blood drawn, then was called back to the pre-op area. I changed into a gown, they put the compression thingies on my legs and, after three tries on one arm and a final attempt on the other, they started an IV (I have some beautiful bruises on my left arm from the failed attempts, though). Then they gave me some bad news: apparently, the person having the surgery before me had some complications, so I would have to wait a couple of hours. So, we settled in to wait.
And we waited. And waited. And waited. TV was boring, so I got up and we made a few rounds of the same-day surgery area (where the pre-op and post-op beds are). Finally, around 1:30, the nurse liaison, who is also the program coordinator for the Utah Valley Surgical Weight Loss Program, came to talk to me. She warned me that I was going to hate her...I guess that same person was still having problems, and the surgeon decided that they weren't going to be able to do my surgery today. SERIOUSLY?!?!? I put on a brave face, but I was soooooo disappointed. It's been postponed until next Wednesday, January 19th. Sigh. At least they promised me that I will be first on the list that day, meaning there won't be anyone before me to delay my surgery.
This changes a lot of things. Luckily, it's not a huge problem if I just go back to work for the next week, so that's all right. But the kicker is that my mother drove up here from CA to stay with my son while I was in the hospital. She took time off her two jobs especially for this, and it would be too much of a burden on her to stay the extra week until my surgery actually takes place, so...she's driving back home right now. And I don't think she'll be back next week because it's just too complicated to take another week off, drive back up here again, and all that stuff. I assured her that we'll be fine, that my sisters can help out, but I'm pretty bummed that she won't be here. I was looking forward to my mommy being around :(
But hey, this gives me some more time to shrink my liver with the high protein, low carb diet I've been on. I've been released to add some high-protein foods to my diet, such as cottage cheese, eggs, and string cheese, though protein shakes should still make up the bulk of my intake. This will also give me more time to get some supplies I neglected to get, like chewable multivitamins and small dishes.
It's been a very emotional day for me, so I think I'm going to go to bed early. So much of myself has led up to this day, and now I have a whole week in front of me to build myself up again. It's going to be rough.
And we waited. And waited. And waited. TV was boring, so I got up and we made a few rounds of the same-day surgery area (where the pre-op and post-op beds are). Finally, around 1:30, the nurse liaison, who is also the program coordinator for the Utah Valley Surgical Weight Loss Program, came to talk to me. She warned me that I was going to hate her...I guess that same person was still having problems, and the surgeon decided that they weren't going to be able to do my surgery today. SERIOUSLY?!?!? I put on a brave face, but I was soooooo disappointed. It's been postponed until next Wednesday, January 19th. Sigh. At least they promised me that I will be first on the list that day, meaning there won't be anyone before me to delay my surgery.
This changes a lot of things. Luckily, it's not a huge problem if I just go back to work for the next week, so that's all right. But the kicker is that my mother drove up here from CA to stay with my son while I was in the hospital. She took time off her two jobs especially for this, and it would be too much of a burden on her to stay the extra week until my surgery actually takes place, so...she's driving back home right now. And I don't think she'll be back next week because it's just too complicated to take another week off, drive back up here again, and all that stuff. I assured her that we'll be fine, that my sisters can help out, but I'm pretty bummed that she won't be here. I was looking forward to my mommy being around :(
But hey, this gives me some more time to shrink my liver with the high protein, low carb diet I've been on. I've been released to add some high-protein foods to my diet, such as cottage cheese, eggs, and string cheese, though protein shakes should still make up the bulk of my intake. This will also give me more time to get some supplies I neglected to get, like chewable multivitamins and small dishes.
It's been a very emotional day for me, so I think I'm going to go to bed early. So much of myself has led up to this day, and now I have a whole week in front of me to build myself up again. It's going to be rough.
Monday, January 10, 2011
T - 10 hours!
I report to the hospital at 9:30am tomorrow! I'm so excited and so READY for this. Not much else to say because I should probably get some sleep (even though I'll most likely be sleeping most of tomorrow, I should still get a good night beforehand, right? Not to mention it's the last time I'll be able to sleep on my stomach for awhile...). I'll try to update as soon as I can after the surgery, or maybe I'll have my husband post something on here.
Farewell, old me! Time to strip off the layers and reveal the real, true Carina! See you on the flip side!
Farewell, old me! Time to strip off the layers and reveal the real, true Carina! See you on the flip side!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Four days! So close!
I met with the pre-op nurse today for some bloodwork, an EKG (I think because of my high blood pressure), and just some general discussion about Tuesday. Nothing hugely exciting to report, except...
That's what a liquid diet will do to you =P Actually, let me clarify. I'm not sure where I was when I started the liquid diet because the scales at my parents' house don't go high enough to weigh me (but they will someday!), so I'm basing that weight loss off the last weight I registered when I visited my primary care doctor back in late November, I think. So, yay!
Everything else was just a basic overview of what things will be like on Tuesday before and after surgery. I don't know yet what time of day I'll be having it, but right now I'm last on the schedule...oh, fun. Hey, as long as it gets done, that is what's important, right? :)
I've debated writing about this, mostly because I'm a little ashamed, especially with all the wonderfully supportive "go Carina!"-type comments on my last post (for which I am so grateful--thank you all, seriously), but I promised myself I would be completely honest on this blog. The truth is, I slipped up recently. I had some chips and salsa, which has historically been one of my vices, and a small peanut butter sandwich. I know, I know! I need to follow doctor's orders! I kept the amount small, at least, and I feel so badly about doing it. I won't do it again, I promise. I'm too close to the surgery date to "get away" with anything, and I need to prove to myself that I can pick myself up after I fall and try again.
But there is my confession. Do with it what you will. I am human! I have frailties! I think that's obvious when you look at me--you can see plainly that I have a problem with nutrition. But I'm taking control now, and while I am not 100% perfect all the time, I am trying. I know that this surgery will give me the tool to conquer my lifelong battle. I know I end almost every post this way, but I need the reaffirmation to keep myself in this mindset. I am going to do this. I can and I will!
I've lost 16 pounds already!
That's what a liquid diet will do to you =P Actually, let me clarify. I'm not sure where I was when I started the liquid diet because the scales at my parents' house don't go high enough to weigh me (but they will someday!), so I'm basing that weight loss off the last weight I registered when I visited my primary care doctor back in late November, I think. So, yay!
Everything else was just a basic overview of what things will be like on Tuesday before and after surgery. I don't know yet what time of day I'll be having it, but right now I'm last on the schedule...oh, fun. Hey, as long as it gets done, that is what's important, right? :)
I've debated writing about this, mostly because I'm a little ashamed, especially with all the wonderfully supportive "go Carina!"-type comments on my last post (for which I am so grateful--thank you all, seriously), but I promised myself I would be completely honest on this blog. The truth is, I slipped up recently. I had some chips and salsa, which has historically been one of my vices, and a small peanut butter sandwich. I know, I know! I need to follow doctor's orders! I kept the amount small, at least, and I feel so badly about doing it. I won't do it again, I promise. I'm too close to the surgery date to "get away" with anything, and I need to prove to myself that I can pick myself up after I fall and try again.
But there is my confession. Do with it what you will. I am human! I have frailties! I think that's obvious when you look at me--you can see plainly that I have a problem with nutrition. But I'm taking control now, and while I am not 100% perfect all the time, I am trying. I know that this surgery will give me the tool to conquer my lifelong battle. I know I end almost every post this way, but I need the reaffirmation to keep myself in this mindset. I am going to do this. I can and I will!
Monday, January 3, 2011
One week left! Ack!
Well, here we are, a new year upon us. It's going to be one interesting year, I can tell you that. My surgery is one week from tomorrow! It's crazy to think that it's already that close. I'm so excited.
I've been on an all-liquid diet for a week now, and I have a week left to go. And no, I haven't cheated! That's not to say I haven't been tempted...oh boy, have I been tempted. A lot of the last week was spent at my parents' house in CA, where I had easy access to chocolate mint brownies, Miguel's Jr., homemade bread, and more of my favorites. People have been considerate around me, though, and while it's been a struggle, I'm doing it.
My diet currently consists of protein/weight loss shakes (SlimFast and Atkins, generally), cottage cheese, soup (cream of chicken and tomato), milk, and lots of water and Crystal Light. Sounds tasty, huh? I added the cottage cheese and soup because they are considered full liquids on the post-op diet, and I was feeling really weak with only the protein shakes. I don't know how much weight I've lost already, but I have to have lost at least something.
Every time I'm tempted to eat something--seriously, no one would have known if I had eaten a PBJ while my husband ran an errand tonight after our son was in bed--I just tell myself that my health is worth it. It doesn't always work like a charm, but I've managed so far, and if I've made it this far, I can make it the rest of the way, right? I can do this! I'm just so looking forward to not feeling these hunger pangs anymore...at least for awhile...
I've been on an all-liquid diet for a week now, and I have a week left to go. And no, I haven't cheated! That's not to say I haven't been tempted...oh boy, have I been tempted. A lot of the last week was spent at my parents' house in CA, where I had easy access to chocolate mint brownies, Miguel's Jr., homemade bread, and more of my favorites. People have been considerate around me, though, and while it's been a struggle, I'm doing it.
My diet currently consists of protein/weight loss shakes (SlimFast and Atkins, generally), cottage cheese, soup (cream of chicken and tomato), milk, and lots of water and Crystal Light. Sounds tasty, huh? I added the cottage cheese and soup because they are considered full liquids on the post-op diet, and I was feeling really weak with only the protein shakes. I don't know how much weight I've lost already, but I have to have lost at least something.
Every time I'm tempted to eat something--seriously, no one would have known if I had eaten a PBJ while my husband ran an errand tonight after our son was in bed--I just tell myself that my health is worth it. It doesn't always work like a charm, but I've managed so far, and if I've made it this far, I can make it the rest of the way, right? I can do this! I'm just so looking forward to not feeling these hunger pangs anymore...at least for awhile...
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