Disclaimer: I am SO excited to be pregnant again. This is what I have wanted and prayed for. But I need to get this out for my own sanity. Thank you for indulging me.
I'm officially 15 weeks pregnant today, and I'm just 16 months post-op from my RNY...and it's really starting to hit me how differently I need to look at weight and clothing fit and all that. Over the past year plus, I've seen the scale go steadily downward, I've had struggles with keeping even small amounts of food down, I've been motivated to exercise--and I have yet to see that scale go up or go back to bigger clothes because my small ones don't fit. Well, that's over.
I went to the gym on Monday for the first time in a week and a half (I've been struggling with a cold or allergies or something that just wouldn't let me go, so I took time off to let my body heal itself). It may not have been a good idea to step on the scale that day since I hadn't been working out regularly. Sure enough, I've gained weight. It's just a few pounds--probably only about 4 or 5 since my first OB appointment almost two months ago--but I gained weight. I just barely entered my second trimester and I'm going to need to gain even more. Some of my pants are getting tight. I forgot to wear a belt with my jeans the other day and I didn't have to struggle to keep them from sliding down my hips because they stayed up all on their own. That was weird.
Okay, so I know you all are probably like, "Duh, Carina, you're pregnant! Of course you need to gain weight and your pants will get tight! There's another person inside of you!" My husband is constantly reassuring me, when I grumble as I head to the kitchen yet again because I'm hungry, that "baby needs food too!" And I know all of that, I really do. But that doesn't mean I'm mentally prepared for what's ahead. I got so used to seeing the scale going down that I'm having a hard time seeing it go back up, even though I know it's for a good reason and I *should* be able to lose it again after baby is born. It's just that this surgery is only thing that has really worked for me to lose weight with any degree of permanence, you know? I worry that, with gaining weight this pregnancy and then hopefully breastfeeding and all of that afterwards, my pouch won't quite "work" anymore and I'll be back where I was--maybe not over 400 pounds, but bigger than I was when I first got pregnant. And just when I was getting used to shopping in normal stores and actually liking getting my picture taken.
I really do go through these cycles, don't I? Everything is fine for a while, then I have a bad day or two, then everything's fine again, then I plunge down one more time...that's part of life. It doesn't help that I've got extra hormones affecting my emotions these days. I just really had a hard time of it on Monday and, while I'm feeling a little bit better about things now, this is a struggle I know will crop up a lot over the next 5-6 months. Maybe it'll be easier to handle once I can really see a baby belly--some people have told me I'm "showing" already and I just don't have the heart to tell them that no, that's just excess belly skin...the baby's still below my belly button! And maybe once I can feel baby move (any day now!), it'll be more real. But it's still rough. Anybody out there deal with this sort of thing?
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
3 months and going strong
The cat's out of the bag now...I'm havin' a baby! I announced it here and on my family blog first, then waited a day to announce on Facebook and WOW did the floodgates open! I am so loved and supported by such wonderful people. They say pregnancy is supposed to make you more emotional, so I guess I should be crying when I think about how many people out there have been thinking about and praying for me...I'll let you know guess as to whether or not tears were actually shed.
I'm guessing people want a little bit more details, or at least more than some abstract reference to me wanting a baby a couple years ago. Well, I will not disappoint. In fact, this will likely be information overload. Feel free to skim if you want. I just want to record this stuff before I forget...and I didn't have a blog the last time I was pregnant, so please indulge me. Here we go.
How did I find out? The date was March 16th, 2012. Yes, that's right, I found out I was pregnant the day before I ran my 5K. Talk about great timing! Now the whole feeling dizzy and almost passing out after the race thing makes a little bit more sense, yes? Anyway, back to that Friday. My cycle had been quite erratic for some time, so although I had technically been "late" for a week or so, I wasn't really sure that meant anything big. I had noticed an increase in appetite--like, a lot more, which kinda worried me because I was still trying to lose more weight--and, strangely enough, it was almost like I could feel this...weight...in my lower abdomen. I was sure that was my mind playing tricks on me. I hadn't really felt nauseated, which was the biggest thing with my son, and so I just kept flip-flopping back and forth as to whether I thought it was worth taking The Test.
But you can only go so long without a period before you think, "Okay, something's up." So I took a test. And it was positive. And I freaked out a little bit...until I noticed the date on the box. It was EXPIRED! Carina, what were you thinking, having an expired pregnancy test around the house? Silly girl! Luckily, I had another one in my medicine cabinet, but I had to wait to take it because I really didn't need to pee anymore. Mid-morning, after lots of water, I checked. Positive. Texted a picture to my husband..."It's faint, but I think that's a plus sign!" And then we both freaked out again.
I had to put it behind me and concentrate on my race for the next 24 hours or so, but as soon as I could I got yet another pregnancy test at the grocery store. It was hard to hide it from my sisters, who had brought me shopping with them...luckily it was their suggestion for us each to go off on our own to get what we needed, and I got paper bags "just because" (really just so I could hide the test...I'm not sure I ever told them this part of the story) I just really had a hard time believing it was real.
So, then what? My worry at this point was the health of the baby. I mean, you're supposed to wait until your weight stabilizes before getting pregnant, which is around 18-24 months post-surgery, and that is what we had been planning to do. It had only been 14 months since my surgery (13 since the second one). Plus, I'd been training for a race, so I worried that I'd been getting enough nutrition and hadn't exercised too hard. My biggest desire was to find an OB that would realize the seriousness of my situation and that would be willing to give me (and baby) the extra care that I knew I would need in the coming months. Luckily, I found a practice that I felt really good about and made my first appointment for a couple weeks later.
That appointment went really, really well. The doctor was so thorough in her examination and ordered a battery of tests, reassured me that they would watch certain blood levels and likely do a couple of extra ultrasounds later on to make sure the baby is growing as it should. She also kept talking about how this pregnancy should go along a lot better for me than my last one, since I'm starting out almost 150 pounds less. I sure hope so! She also ordered an ultrasound the next day to make sure of my dates, and sure enough, I was right on schedule--8 weeks along (at that time). I'm officially due November 7th.
Since then, I did have a bit of nausea--no morning sickness for me, though, more like evening sickness--and only a couple episodes of getting sick, though I'm not sure if those were more surgery-related (you know, eating too fast) or due to pregnancy. It's mostly subsided by now. I had another appointment last week and heard the heartbeat, 168 bpm strong, and now that the secret is out, I have finally accepted that it's real.
I have to admit that I am extremely nervous about doing this again. I mean, it's what I've been wanting for years, but am I ready? Can I do it again? What will this do to my body? Will my body even allow me to breastfeed after what it's been through? What will my stomach look like with all this extra skin stretched out over a pregnant belly? I have to get a whole new maternity wardrobe! How can we afford this? Will I have a hard time getting back into the losing weight scheme after the baby is born? Can I keep up the exercise when I'm so exhausted all the time? Will I even have time to exercise with a husband, two kids, and two jobs? What am I thinking?
But I know I can do it. It will be hard, yes, and I know I'm not totally out of the woods and anything could still happen, but Someone is watching over me. I am humbled and blessed to be at this point in my life, and I cannot wait to hold my new little one in my arms this fall. Thanks to you all for being willing to accompany me throughout this whole thing.
I'm guessing people want a little bit more details, or at least more than some abstract reference to me wanting a baby a couple years ago. Well, I will not disappoint. In fact, this will likely be information overload. Feel free to skim if you want. I just want to record this stuff before I forget...and I didn't have a blog the last time I was pregnant, so please indulge me. Here we go.
How did I find out? The date was March 16th, 2012. Yes, that's right, I found out I was pregnant the day before I ran my 5K. Talk about great timing! Now the whole feeling dizzy and almost passing out after the race thing makes a little bit more sense, yes? Anyway, back to that Friday. My cycle had been quite erratic for some time, so although I had technically been "late" for a week or so, I wasn't really sure that meant anything big. I had noticed an increase in appetite--like, a lot more, which kinda worried me because I was still trying to lose more weight--and, strangely enough, it was almost like I could feel this...weight...in my lower abdomen. I was sure that was my mind playing tricks on me. I hadn't really felt nauseated, which was the biggest thing with my son, and so I just kept flip-flopping back and forth as to whether I thought it was worth taking The Test.
But you can only go so long without a period before you think, "Okay, something's up." So I took a test. And it was positive. And I freaked out a little bit...until I noticed the date on the box. It was EXPIRED! Carina, what were you thinking, having an expired pregnancy test around the house? Silly girl! Luckily, I had another one in my medicine cabinet, but I had to wait to take it because I really didn't need to pee anymore. Mid-morning, after lots of water, I checked. Positive. Texted a picture to my husband..."It's faint, but I think that's a plus sign!" And then we both freaked out again.
I had to put it behind me and concentrate on my race for the next 24 hours or so, but as soon as I could I got yet another pregnancy test at the grocery store. It was hard to hide it from my sisters, who had brought me shopping with them...luckily it was their suggestion for us each to go off on our own to get what we needed, and I got paper bags "just because" (really just so I could hide the test...I'm not sure I ever told them this part of the story) I just really had a hard time believing it was real.
So, then what? My worry at this point was the health of the baby. I mean, you're supposed to wait until your weight stabilizes before getting pregnant, which is around 18-24 months post-surgery, and that is what we had been planning to do. It had only been 14 months since my surgery (13 since the second one). Plus, I'd been training for a race, so I worried that I'd been getting enough nutrition and hadn't exercised too hard. My biggest desire was to find an OB that would realize the seriousness of my situation and that would be willing to give me (and baby) the extra care that I knew I would need in the coming months. Luckily, I found a practice that I felt really good about and made my first appointment for a couple weeks later.
That appointment went really, really well. The doctor was so thorough in her examination and ordered a battery of tests, reassured me that they would watch certain blood levels and likely do a couple of extra ultrasounds later on to make sure the baby is growing as it should. She also kept talking about how this pregnancy should go along a lot better for me than my last one, since I'm starting out almost 150 pounds less. I sure hope so! She also ordered an ultrasound the next day to make sure of my dates, and sure enough, I was right on schedule--8 weeks along (at that time). I'm officially due November 7th.
Since then, I did have a bit of nausea--no morning sickness for me, though, more like evening sickness--and only a couple episodes of getting sick, though I'm not sure if those were more surgery-related (you know, eating too fast) or due to pregnancy. It's mostly subsided by now. I had another appointment last week and heard the heartbeat, 168 bpm strong, and now that the secret is out, I have finally accepted that it's real.
I have to admit that I am extremely nervous about doing this again. I mean, it's what I've been wanting for years, but am I ready? Can I do it again? What will this do to my body? Will my body even allow me to breastfeed after what it's been through? What will my stomach look like with all this extra skin stretched out over a pregnant belly? I have to get a whole new maternity wardrobe! How can we afford this? Will I have a hard time getting back into the losing weight scheme after the baby is born? Can I keep up the exercise when I'm so exhausted all the time? Will I even have time to exercise with a husband, two kids, and two jobs? What am I thinking?
But I know I can do it. It will be hard, yes, and I know I'm not totally out of the woods and anything could still happen, but Someone is watching over me. I am humbled and blessed to be at this point in my life, and I cannot wait to hold my new little one in my arms this fall. Thanks to you all for being willing to accompany me throughout this whole thing.
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