Thursday, January 19, 2012
Happy Birthday to Me!
It's my pseudo-birthday today. One year ago at almost this exact time, I was slowly coming out of anesthesia and waking up in a recovery room, after having had my initial Roux-en-Y surgery. It's been a crazy year since then, but one that has made me who I am today. I've had another surgery, a week-long hospital stay, two endoscopies, lost over 200 pounds, gotten a new job, and discovered a whole new perspective on life. I honestly don't know that I would change a thing.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
One Year Ago...
This day last year was a really hard day for me...it was the day I was originally supposed to have my surgery, but it got postponed. What emotions ran through me that day! How little did I know of what I would look like and who I would be just one year later!
I had my annual check-up with my surgeon today, even though it's a little early since my actual surgery date. I'm no longer obese! I'm now officially simply "overweight." I don't think I've ever been happier to be called overweight. The doctor asked me what my goal weight was, and I said around 190. He said that's a good goal, that I should be able to get there if I continue the way I'm going. I'm only 27 pounds away! I can do that, right? Blood levels were good, BP was normal...I can't even believe it. I don't recognize myself in pictures. I really don't. It's weird.
The doctor also asked me today about skin removal. Not that he was encouraging it, but just letting me know that it's an option if I want it. I will spare you a picture of my saggy tummy, but here's a lovely picture of my arms right now:
I don't think they're that bad...I'm going to keep doing some strength training and see how much I can tone them up. Maybe in a few years.
My sister and I have decided to run a 5K in March. It's going to be awesome. I don't love running and I'm not sure that I ever will, but I do have a life goal to run a marathon someday (hey, Biggest Loser people can do it, so why not me?), and this is one step closer to it. Wish me luck!
I did it, guys. I have officially lost over HALF my body weight. I weighed in at 217 at the doctor's office today, so I'm down a total of 220 pounds from my highest ever (Nov 2010). I'm guessing you want to see a picture...
Yes, I think I need new jeans.
I had my annual check-up with my surgeon today, even though it's a little early since my actual surgery date. I'm no longer obese! I'm now officially simply "overweight." I don't think I've ever been happier to be called overweight. The doctor asked me what my goal weight was, and I said around 190. He said that's a good goal, that I should be able to get there if I continue the way I'm going. I'm only 27 pounds away! I can do that, right? Blood levels were good, BP was normal...I can't even believe it. I don't recognize myself in pictures. I really don't. It's weird.
The doctor also asked me today about skin removal. Not that he was encouraging it, but just letting me know that it's an option if I want it. I will spare you a picture of my saggy tummy, but here's a lovely picture of my arms right now:
I don't think they're that bad...I'm going to keep doing some strength training and see how much I can tone them up. Maybe in a few years.
My sister and I have decided to run a 5K in March. It's going to be awesome. I don't love running and I'm not sure that I ever will, but I do have a life goal to run a marathon someday (hey, Biggest Loser people can do it, so why not me?), and this is one step closer to it. Wish me luck!
Thanks for your support, everyone!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I love me :)
I don't think I've ever let this long go by without updating before...maybe it's because not a whole lot has happened? No doctor appointments, no huge milestones reached, no new clothes to show off, no medical problems to report on....I guess that last one is a good thing. But I did have a few things on my mind that I wanted to mention.
I worked out on my lunch break today--it had been a couple weeks. And that scale continues to go down, to my delight. 222 today. I am SO CLOSE to having lost half my body weight. I still can't believe it.
I've found myself able to eat more and more kinds of foods lately. I had Thanksgiving dinner! Really and truly! I mean, I used a tiny little plate, but I had turkey, gravy, a little bit of mashed potatoes, stuffing, yams, cranberry sauce...it was tasty. I've also recently gone to a couple of holiday luncheons and was able to have small amounts of almost everything at the buffet table. Turkey, chicken, ham, veggies, even a little bread (though the last time I had part of a roll, it really hurt for awhile afterwards...that probably cured my bread craving for a while!). Even a little chicken pot pie yesterday, which was a wonderful comfort food--I just made sure not to eat much of the crust on top. I love that I don't have to be so worried about handling food anymore. I mean, I live in the real world. I need to be able to eat different types of food and know when to stop.
I hope it doesn't seem like I'm bragging when I post comments that people have made to me. I record them for my own benefit, for when days are hard and when I look in the mirror and have trouble seeing past the saggy skin and the bulges that will never actually go away, no matter how much weight I lose. So please indulge me.
I had a church function last night at which I sang a duet with my sister. Afterwards, two different women stopped me. One, who hadn't been to church in a while, said she had to ask the other people at her table who I was, as she really didn't recognize me (granted, this lady and I aren't that close, but still). The other one is this cute older lady who said, in her beautiful South African accent, "Can I ahsk you a puhsonal question? Wheh is the rest of you?" Hah! I told her it had disappeared and I bid it good riddance.
At church last Sunday, an older gentleman walked by and jokingly asked my husband if his wife knew he was going around holding hands with this other "skinny lady." That was kind of an awkward compliment, but still kinda funny.
I've had a few people say that I've inspired them to exercise and get healthy. One of my co-workers told me I need new clothes (again--this was when I was wearing pants that I just got two months ago), because what I was wearing was too big. Another friend said that I just seem so much happier and confident than when she met me a year or so ago.
That last one kind of threw me, to be honest. I had to stop and think about how I feel about myself now versus how I felt before my weight loss. Did I love myself? How did I hold myself? How did I come across to those around me? And as much as I hate to admit it, I'm not sure I did love myself. Or maybe I did, but I just couldn't project that to those around me. I didn't feel beautiful. I didn't feel like someone worth being listened to, nor that I had much value to contribute.
I feel so bad saying that, because I am lucky enough to have a husband that isn't blinded by those that make you think you aren't beautiful if you're even a bit overweight. He has never made me feel unattractive or like I'm not worth being paid attention to. I made myself feel that way. And yes, now that I actually FEEL beautiful, I know that's coming across to my co-workers, my fellow church members, my friends, and my family. It's definitely changed how I interact with others.
I just wish I had worked this out in my mind beforehand. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to realize that it doesn't matter how the world looks at me. People of all shapes and sizes are beautiful. I sometimes want to go back a year or two, to see if that would have changed things at my job or in my social circles, to have been the confident person back then that I am now. But life is a learning experience, and we can't go back and change things in the past. That is why I write my feelings down here, so I can come back and see the changes I've made, both physical and mental.
I love myself. And I hope you love yourself, too, because you are beautiful (or handsome!) just the way you are. If you want to change your outside appearance, do it. Just do it for yourself, because you deserve to be all that you want to be. You can do it. We can do it.
I worked out on my lunch break today--it had been a couple weeks. And that scale continues to go down, to my delight. 222 today. I am SO CLOSE to having lost half my body weight. I still can't believe it.
I've found myself able to eat more and more kinds of foods lately. I had Thanksgiving dinner! Really and truly! I mean, I used a tiny little plate, but I had turkey, gravy, a little bit of mashed potatoes, stuffing, yams, cranberry sauce...it was tasty. I've also recently gone to a couple of holiday luncheons and was able to have small amounts of almost everything at the buffet table. Turkey, chicken, ham, veggies, even a little bread (though the last time I had part of a roll, it really hurt for awhile afterwards...that probably cured my bread craving for a while!). Even a little chicken pot pie yesterday, which was a wonderful comfort food--I just made sure not to eat much of the crust on top. I love that I don't have to be so worried about handling food anymore. I mean, I live in the real world. I need to be able to eat different types of food and know when to stop.
I hope it doesn't seem like I'm bragging when I post comments that people have made to me. I record them for my own benefit, for when days are hard and when I look in the mirror and have trouble seeing past the saggy skin and the bulges that will never actually go away, no matter how much weight I lose. So please indulge me.
I had a church function last night at which I sang a duet with my sister. Afterwards, two different women stopped me. One, who hadn't been to church in a while, said she had to ask the other people at her table who I was, as she really didn't recognize me (granted, this lady and I aren't that close, but still). The other one is this cute older lady who said, in her beautiful South African accent, "Can I ahsk you a puhsonal question? Wheh is the rest of you?" Hah! I told her it had disappeared and I bid it good riddance.
At church last Sunday, an older gentleman walked by and jokingly asked my husband if his wife knew he was going around holding hands with this other "skinny lady." That was kind of an awkward compliment, but still kinda funny.
I've had a few people say that I've inspired them to exercise and get healthy. One of my co-workers told me I need new clothes (again--this was when I was wearing pants that I just got two months ago), because what I was wearing was too big. Another friend said that I just seem so much happier and confident than when she met me a year or so ago.
That last one kind of threw me, to be honest. I had to stop and think about how I feel about myself now versus how I felt before my weight loss. Did I love myself? How did I hold myself? How did I come across to those around me? And as much as I hate to admit it, I'm not sure I did love myself. Or maybe I did, but I just couldn't project that to those around me. I didn't feel beautiful. I didn't feel like someone worth being listened to, nor that I had much value to contribute.
I feel so bad saying that, because I am lucky enough to have a husband that isn't blinded by those that make you think you aren't beautiful if you're even a bit overweight. He has never made me feel unattractive or like I'm not worth being paid attention to. I made myself feel that way. And yes, now that I actually FEEL beautiful, I know that's coming across to my co-workers, my fellow church members, my friends, and my family. It's definitely changed how I interact with others.
I just wish I had worked this out in my mind beforehand. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to realize that it doesn't matter how the world looks at me. People of all shapes and sizes are beautiful. I sometimes want to go back a year or two, to see if that would have changed things at my job or in my social circles, to have been the confident person back then that I am now. But life is a learning experience, and we can't go back and change things in the past. That is why I write my feelings down here, so I can come back and see the changes I've made, both physical and mental.
I love myself. And I hope you love yourself, too, because you are beautiful (or handsome!) just the way you are. If you want to change your outside appearance, do it. Just do it for yourself, because you deserve to be all that you want to be. You can do it. We can do it.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Support Group
I went to a support group meeting tonight...my first time going to one with people who had my same surgeon. It was a nice, intimate little gathering--there were maybe 10 of us there, with two who have yet to have the surgery, plus the therapist (who said she didn't even recognize me! Granted, I last saw her at my pre-surgery consult almost a year ago...). We had a brief lesson on breathing correctly, making sure we relax ourselves and breathe deeply enough, and then the floor opened up for questions/comments.
It really made me think about what I've been through and how hard this road has been for me. I mean, I know that a lot of people think having weight loss surgery is the "easy way," and that those who do it don't know what it's like to lose weight "on your own." To that, I say YOU TRY IT! It has been anything BUT easy. Okay, I will admit that the actual losing weight part hasn't been incredibly difficult. But the struggle of going through surgery (twice, in my case), dealing with the emotional fall-out from no longer being able to self-medicate with food, learning to discipline myself with what I can and cannot eat, eating slowly and chewing my bites thoroughly, working out to strengthen the muscles that I've lost...it's been the hardest thing ever.
One guy brought up a cool analogy. He said that losing weight before surgery was, for him, like trying to build a house without a hammer. It was still possible, but it was incredibly difficult. Having the surgery was the hammer for him. Now, he still has to put in a lot of work to actually build the house (lose weight), but with the hammer, he can do it much more efficiently and quickly. Does that make sense?
Of course, weight loss surgery is not for everyone. Some don't want it, some do but don't feel like it's right, and others don't need it. But it has been a miracle for me. It has been my hammer. I still have had to work hard to conquer this war I've been waging my entire life, and it's still a constant struggle. But once again, I was reminded tonight of something that I'm sure I've said before on this blog: if I had known a year ago how hard this would be and how much I would struggle--two surgeries, two EGDs, ulcers, difficulty eating anything, throwing up, etc.--I still would choose to do it. It has saved my life.
It really made me think about what I've been through and how hard this road has been for me. I mean, I know that a lot of people think having weight loss surgery is the "easy way," and that those who do it don't know what it's like to lose weight "on your own." To that, I say YOU TRY IT! It has been anything BUT easy. Okay, I will admit that the actual losing weight part hasn't been incredibly difficult. But the struggle of going through surgery (twice, in my case), dealing with the emotional fall-out from no longer being able to self-medicate with food, learning to discipline myself with what I can and cannot eat, eating slowly and chewing my bites thoroughly, working out to strengthen the muscles that I've lost...it's been the hardest thing ever.
One guy brought up a cool analogy. He said that losing weight before surgery was, for him, like trying to build a house without a hammer. It was still possible, but it was incredibly difficult. Having the surgery was the hammer for him. Now, he still has to put in a lot of work to actually build the house (lose weight), but with the hammer, he can do it much more efficiently and quickly. Does that make sense?
Of course, weight loss surgery is not for everyone. Some don't want it, some do but don't feel like it's right, and others don't need it. But it has been a miracle for me. It has been my hammer. I still have had to work hard to conquer this war I've been waging my entire life, and it's still a constant struggle. But once again, I was reminded tonight of something that I'm sure I've said before on this blog: if I had known a year ago how hard this would be and how much I would struggle--two surgeries, two EGDs, ulcers, difficulty eating anything, throwing up, etc.--I still would choose to do it. It has saved my life.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Bi-Century!
I am down over 200 pounds.
That's right. OVER TWO HUNDRED POUNDS. Down 205, to be exact, if the scale at the gym is accurate. I'm pretty sure I am now the smallest I have ever been in my adult life.
And it feels so good.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Nine Months
I went clothes shopping the other day because I really was running low on clothes, and I had a coupon to Kohl's (which has such cute clothes, by the way). And the coolest part? I think the next time I go shopping, I may have to shop in the NON plus-size sections. I have never done that in my entire adult life. Anyway, I got some nice clothes that I'm sure will last me awhile, or at least until I need to take them in:
My hair is a little on the bigger side these days (as far as fro-ness), since so much of it has fallen out and it's just a lot less heavy, I guess. But today, my husband looked at me closely and said it looks like I've got some short hairs all along my hairline, and that it looks like I'm a Chia Pet. Well, as much as I love those little things (read: NOT), I'm thinking I should probably start using some gel or something to get those hairs to lie down. At least it's growing back, right?
I had my nine-month check-up last week. Blood pressure was, get this: NORMAL! 122 over 84 or something like that. Sure, maybe very slightly elevated, but the doctor didn't even say anything about it. Hooray! When he asked to look at my incision scars to make sure everything is okay there, he mentioned that he thinks my skin doesn't sag nearly as much as he would have expected it to, considering I've lost over 160 pounds since the surgery, and that my age is probably to thank for that. So thank you, age. I owe you one.
I've mentioned before on this blog that one of my main reasons in getting the surgery when I did was because I am hoping to have another baby, and I knew getting pregnant at 400+ pounds was a not-very-good idea. Now that I am actually almost 100 pounds less than I was when I get pregnant with my first, I'm looking forward to having another one, so I talked this over with the doctor. Unfortunately, we need to wait...the recommendation is another nine months, making 18 total months from surgery. The issue is making sure I can sustain both myself and a fetus, and also that I can actually GAIN weight with pregnancy. If I were to get pregnant right now, the concern would be malnutrition for both me and baby, which is not something I want, of course. But at least I know I'm closer and hopefully we'll have an exciting announcement sometime in the next year or so, God willing.
Life is good :)
Wedding Dress
For some reason, I decided to try on my wedding dress the other night. I don't know exactly how much I weighed on my wedding day, but I was pretty sure I was either at or below that weight. Well, if the wedding dress is any indication, I'm actually quite a bit smaller now, because it was actually pretty loose! It was kinda fun to realize that :)
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