Birds flyin' high, you know how I feel...

Yup, that's right, I'm actually feeling good! (And if you don't know what song I'm referring to, then go here)

This past week, I realized that I'm feeling almost completely back to normal. I mean, sure, I still feel a lack of energy, but it's probably about the same as I was 100 lbs ago. I mean, who has a ton of energy when they weigh over 400 lbs? I certainly didn't! I'm not exactly sure how far my weight loss has gone now, but I was at 94 lbs down as of two weeks ago, so I think it's safe to say I've hit the century mark by now. It's been quite the ride. I'm still having trouble with gagging and having the appetite for food, but I'm slowly learning what my body can handle and it's coming along.

Best news this week: I'm off my blood pressure medication! I'd been on medication for high blood pressure (we're talking 170/100 unmedicated--it was bad) for over a year now. Well, in the past three weeks, I went from two pills to one, then to half a pill, and now I'm off it. It's an amazing feeling! And the dizziness is pretty much gone now, so I'm pretty excited about that.

I've been getting compliments a lot--I look amazing, fabulous, so good, etc. Makes me happy! :) I'm so grateful to all of you for your support and words of encouragement. I figured it's about time to post a picture, so here ya go:

Sorry it's kinda dark. I'll have to get all dressed up and have my husband take a picture so you can see it better. But hey, that's me! And I'm feeling good! Hooray! =D

A bit better today

THANK YOU so much to all of your comments and words of support and wisdom. Seriously, they mean so much to me and I can feel your love and prayers as I read them. I am so grateful to know there are so many people out there rooting for me to have success and to finally be healthy!

I met with my primary care doctor today because of those dizzy spells I've been having (had another big one on Monday), and it was determined that it's definitely low blood pressure. It was 90/60 today! So my med dosage was cut in half, and now I need to keep track of it over the coming weeks and, if I need to, cut it in half again, and then maybe I'll even be off of it in a month or so. Hooray! I was hoping that this surgery would help with my hypertension, but I didn't think it would be this quickly. Yay!

Oh, and I lost another six pounds in the last week. That's a total of 91--I'm so close to the century mark, I can feel it. And I'm also right around the weight I was before I became pregnant with my son! That's exciting, knowing that I'm finally back down to where my weight REALLY started spiraling out of control, and I know I'll do whatever it takes to not get back here again. It's a great feeling.

I see the surgeon again this Friday to (hopefully!) remove my drain and see how things are going. I'll post again then! Love you all!

Having a hard time :(

I've tried to be positive on this blog, because this really is a positive thing that I'm doing and I don't want to talk the procedure down--I honestly think it will save my life in the long run. Seriously, though, I need to just vent a little bit right now.

First of all, I am SO tired of the limited food I can eat. And the thing is, I think it's becoming psychological--I almost feel nauseated at the thought of having yet another slice of deli meat, or another bowl of cottage cheese, or another plate of refried beans with cheese or sour cream. So even though the doctor told me to increase my intake and add some more snacks, I'm having trouble doing that because I just can't stomach those foods anymore.

I'll admit it: I miss regular food. I miss pasta. I miss bread, just a little peanut butter sandwich or something. I miss mashed potatoes. I miss salad. It's hard to go without foods I've had all my life! I think it's almost worse for me because, had I not had the setback of another surgery, I would be to a point where I could have a lot more foods by now (not breads, but at least I could probably have some grilled chicken and maybe some peeled cucumber or something like that). But no, I'm technically only on the 2-week-post-op food list, meaning I'm relegated to not many options. It's getting old fast.

I'm tired of not feeling like myself. I've always been the strong one, the one who did so much, who worked so hard, who would go, go, go until people told me I needed to rest. I'm not used to being weak, to having people take care of me, to the looks of concern that my husband gives me whenever I whimper for whatever pain I just felt. It's been over six weeks since I've felt like a normal person, and I miss that.

I've had a couple episodes of tunnel vision in recent days--once at Walmart with my mom on Thursday and once last night at the grocery store. I didn't actually pass out, but I definitely had to hunch over the cart and breathe deeply for awhile. I even broke out in a cold sweat at Walmart and had to sit down. I have a feeling that it's my blood pressure. I've been on blood pressure medication for a little over a year, and now that I'm back to a weight where I didn't have high BP in the past, I'm wondering if the problem is gone, or at least diminished, and the medication is unnecessary. I mean, if my BP is already down to a normal range on its own and I'm taking medication to lower it even more, that could be causing my problems with dizziness or tunnel vision or what-have-you. I plan to call the doctor in the morning.

Anyway, I just wanted to record that no, it's not all sun-and-roses these days. Sure, the weight loss is good, but I'm wondering if it's worth it right now. It will be eventually, some part of me knows, but the conscious, active part of me just wants to be normal. And soon.

Thanks for listening to me whine :)

Too much too soon :o

I had a check-up with my surgeon today. I was supposed to get my drain taken out, but Dr. Watts decided to be extra cautious and have me keep it in another week. Oh, well. I'm glad we're playing it safe.

Weigh-in: 352.2 pounds. That means I've lost a total of 85 pounds since I first met with the surgeon in November, and I've lost 52 pounds since I had my initial RNY surgery six weeks ago. That sounds good, right? Well, apparently the surgeon said it's a little TOO much too soon :o I didn't know that was possible! Never in my life did I imagine I would be told I am losing weight too quickly. Crazy.

Anyway, Dr. Watts suggested I add a couple of snacks to my daily diet, as well as start drinking milk as part of my regular fluid intake. I also need to take two multivitamins a day instead of just one. "Weight loss isn't the issue with you right now," he said, so he wants me to up my caloric intake just a tad to give me more energy. I've been feeling rather lethargic, and the simplest tasks wear me out. I thought it was just my body still recuperating from surgery, but it's also my lack of nutrition. So, I'm going to focus on changing my diet a little to make sure I'm doing better.

So, it was a good appointment, I suppose--interesting, at least. My mom is still here, helping me out and keeping me company while I'm at home. I'm sleeping a lot, so hopefully I can overcome that soon so I can start going back to work. It's been a crazy roller coaster, this whole surgery thing!

I'm home!!!!!

I never want to spend that long in a hospital again. I finally was discharged today after just over a week of IVs in my neck (yeah, in my neck), incessant beeps from random alarms, oxygen assistance, gowns and slipper socks that never stayed on my feet, an adjustable bed that was actually quite comfortable but that I really wished didn't have a guard at the bottom because my feet kept getting jammed up against it (oh, the curses of being six feet tall), compression thingies on my legs that felt like I was chained to the bed, having difficulties getting to the bathroom on time because I was connected to so many cords, having my monthly visitor during the entire thing...oh, yeah, I am so glad to be home from the hospital.

Technically, my secondary surgery was 8 days ago now, but since I wasn't approved to start drinking and eating until Monday, I'm now on Day 3 of the post-op diet, which means skim milk, cream of wheat, cottage cheese, yogurt, and strained soups (cream of chicken and tomato). I'll be on that until Saturday, at which point I can start re-introducing all the foods I was eating before this wonderful event occurred last week.

Did I mention I am SO HAPPY to no longer be in the hospital? Because I am.

Thank you to all of you for your support, words of encouragement, and most especially, for your positive thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. I've been told I came dangerously close to being deathly ill there, and it's lucky they caught the problem and were able to fix it when they did. I'm recommitting myself to following my diet plan and taking it easy--my mom is here this time around to help with my recovery (she just got here yesterday), and she plans to make sure I don't try to do too much too soon--and I'm sure I'll recover with the Lord's help. I love you all!

Four weeks later...

First off, a picture for you. The date of this picture is February 19th, 2011.  

 

What, you say? Wasn't your surgery on JANUARY 19th, not February 19th? Why, yes you would be correct. You would also be correct if you then followed basic logic to realize that I am, in fact, in the hospital once again, this time for even longer. Here's why.

Monday, Valentine's Day, was great. My husband and I had a nice, quiet evening together watching a movie and exchanging a few simple gifts. I felt great physically that day, like I was finally overcoming the ordeal of surgery.

Then around 5am Tuesday morning, PAIN. A lot of it. It felt like someone had shoved a huge ball of gas just underneath the left side of my ribcage and it was trying to break free. I just lay there and moaned, cried out, writhed in pain. It hurt! I woke C up and had him help me down the hallway to the bathroom, where I felt release would come. It didn't. C went back to bed, and I kept sitting on the pot, trying in vain to find some relief. When it didn't come, I ventured back towards the bedroom.

I didn't make it.

I woke up just outside our bedroom door on the floor, C frantically calling my name and rubbing my side. I was so confused...did I fall out of bed? I asked. "No...you're still in the hallway, love." "Oh. So I passed out?" Apparently so! I crawled over to bed, one of the greatest feats of strength I have ever done, and heaved myself back onto the pillowtop, which usually brings so much comfort. I managed to keep my cries to a minimum so C could get some sleep before going to work.

The next morning, he hurriedly got ready for work while I made calls to work..."Um, yeah, last night was a bad night and I'm not going to make it in today..." C was so hesitant about leaving me, but somebody had to work that day! While he was gone, I just lay there in bed. I couldn't even sit up, didn't bother turning on the TV, didn't feel like I needed a book to read, just...lay there. And hurt.

He checked on me during his lunch break and brought home Gas-X, which did little to relieve anything. A man from our church came by and joined my husband in giving me a priesthood blessing, in which I was promised I would be made whole. Back to bed I went, leaving Cody to sleep on the couch because any jostling of the bed just hurt too much.

Wednesday morning, I woke up and called Ginny (the nurse from the UV Surgical Weight Loss Program). Asked her what to do--she said she'd talk to my surgeon and call me back. Next thing I know, we're on our way to the hospital to get a CT scan. It was sooo hard to walk around, get in and out of cars, etc--especially since I was moving on no practically no food or water since Monday night, because it had been practically impossible to force myself to swallow anything. News came from the CT scan...not so good. There was a perforation, a small little hole below one of the staple lines on my small intestine. The doctors said they'd never seen this happen so late, four weeks after surgery. It's incredibly rare.

This meant I soon found myself checking in for surgery. Again. Instead of having my four-week check-up, I was going through pre-op again (except I did find out I was down to 365, woot woot!). They fixed the leak and now I'm in the hospital recuperating. Again.

The days since then have been hard for different reasons. One, because I arrived in such a state of dehydration and almost a state of kidney failure that I was kinda touch-and-go there for awhile. My blood pressure was dangerously low that entire first night, I was on constant oxygen, and they even kept me in the ICU for the first two nights so I would have more nurse attention. I was ordered to not try to get out of bed until at least Friday. I'm not supposed to eat or drink anything until MAYBE Monday, with possible discharge from the hospital itself on Wednesday (meaning a week-long stay).

Another reason it's been hard is just the emotional aspect of it. I've already been through this! I've already done the 3-4 week diet. I've already had to go through the "Ouch, my stomach hurts so much, can you pick this up off the floor for me, I need a pillow to cover my abdomen all the time" stages. And now I have to do it again.

But as hard as it has been, and as much as I have been upset about all of this, you know what? That won't change anything. I can be mad and bitter about having to recover again, or I can just take it in stride and even maybe look at it positively--hey, maybe I'll lose more weight this way, huh? ;) I'm really okay, but it has definitely been an ordeal.

But hey, if anyone out there wants to come visit me at UVRMC, I'm on the sixth floor, room 687. I love visitors! :) And I love all your words of support! I'm so humbled and grateful to have such good friends!

Slowly returning to "normal"

I can't believe it's been over two weeks since I last posted. I would say it's because I've been super busy, but that's really not the case because I'm nowhere near what I used to do before the surgery. I'll just blame it on the recovery. Yeah, that's it.

So, how am I doing? My usual answer is "I'm okay." I'm not 100%, but neither am I the slow-moving, I-only-get-up-to-go-to-the-bathroom-or-take-a-walk person I was two weeks ago. I can walk with relative ease, I can sit almost anywhere, I can sleep on my stomach again (this is MAJOR...I suffered from lack of sleep for awhile there because I just can't sleep well on my back), and I can pick stuff up from off the floor. This is all very exciting stuff, people. I just never realized how much I use my abdominal muscles for, well, everything--reaching for something, stretching, even for tipping my head back to rinse my hair in the shower (this might be more because I'm tall, so I have to tip my head back more than the average person). I'm not ready to do crunches or anything yet, but I'm better.

Eating is so different, and I'm still adjusting to the fact that it will never be the same again. The main things I eat these days are canned chicken, carrots, green beans, refried beans, yogurt (nonfat/low sugar), cottage cheese, deli meat, string cheese, and various other cheeses (mozzarella, colby jack, etc). I'm supposed to stick to 70% protein and 30% vegetable, but right now my diet is still limited because my stomach is still healing. Around 4-6 weeks, my options should broaden to almost any kind of protein--meat, seafood, cheese, dairy, etc, most vegetables (they say celery can be too fibrous for the stomach, as well as corn and maybe peas), soups (without the broth), and some fruits (though fruit should be used sparingly because of its natural sugars).

Meals are still 2 oz in volume, which equals about 4 tablespoons, and that fills me up. Over time, that will increase, but I think it'll stay at 2 oz until around 12 weeks. Oh, and it's supposed to take me 20-30 minutes to eat those 4 tbsp. You'd think it would be hard to make it last that long, but if I eat too quickly, I get sick, so I stretch it out as long as possible. If I haven't finished after 30 minutes, then I either throw the rest out or save it for later (usually the former, since the amount left over is so little).

I'm slowly returning to work. This past week, I managed to work about 5-6 hours a day--I'd go in around 9 or 9:30, work for about three hours, then go lay down in my car for 45 minutes or so, then work another 2-3 hours before I went home. We'll see if I can get up to full-time hours this week.

My clothes are definitely feeling looser--I should post a picture. My winter coat used to be a struggle to close, and now I can button it with ease. My pants aren't falling off yet, thank goodness, but I have a lot more room in the legs now. And it's weird to not have some of my shirts feel tight against my stomach. My husband says my double chin is almost gone, which is fine with me!

I meet with the surgeon again on Wednesday, my 4-week check-up, to weigh in and make sure everything is going well. I'll be sure to post again with the new updates!